the world of skating n wolves...

2011-06-07T13:21:00.002+08:00

New job at the zoo! Just started about 2 weeks ago...It's a physically strenuous job, but quite a routine one though. Day in, day out, you just do the same things. and when new animals come in, you get to do more things in the same day. Which means shorter time frame per animal, which requires one to work faster.

Study wise, things are going ok i suppose. Finals are from 19-23 august, I haven't been studying, and there's A LOT to study. sighs. I deferred my studies at UQ till next year July. By then I probably *hopefully* would have enough to kick start things. Bee is leaving next month already. heart ache. confused. and i can't even spend much time with him cause i accepted this job, and i feel pretty bad about it. It could be the last time we spend time together. we never know. ):

As the date gets nearer, i wonder if i can do what i said and let go...Either way, it sure hurts like hell.

SIAN!!

2011-01-09T00:11:00.005+08:00

Went to the Australian uni open house today with bee. Got rejected by 2 unis cause my GPA is not good enough to get into their vet degrees. sighs. so now i'm looking at alternative degrees at UQ.

When i got home and when my mum knew about me wanting to apply overseas, she immediately said no, and said on the spot that i'll only go there to play, not to study. and that she wants me to study business in singapore instead.

#$%#@ LA. Think whatever she wants to think. i'll apply for a bank loan myself. then at least the tuition fees are settled. and even if application is successful, i can only start semester in jan 2012. so until then at least i can save up quite abit for living cost bah.

whatever.

Running...away?

2011-01-07T23:59:00.003+08:00

sometimes it seems like running away is the only option in a tough situation, sometimes it seems like running away is the most reasonable option you have. well, maybe most of the time for me.

It's been quite a whirlwind of events recently, and i'm going to be busy helping my parents out at the stall since CNY is coming soon. sighs, so many pressing issues.. and i just wanna run away. i don't want to face anything or anyone. I've a baby bat and two dogs to keep me happy. maybe i should just grab them and escape to some unknown island and start a tribe or something like that.

But then again, I can't. Damn everything. I think i'm going through one of those periods in life where i feel like i cannot trust anyone, cannot be tolerant of anyone and i feel like things are all just jumbled up in a mess. waiting for me to untangle them and sort them nicely.

yeah, sure call me insecure, immature, impractical, whichever. Fact is, everyone goes through this period, right? unless you are retarded lah. no offense, but it's true, everyone goes through this period. and i'm not going to say sorry or anything stupid about it.

ah, whatever.

Wish we didn't need to be seperated cause of NS and all. Wish you could hear me out everyday. Wish I knew what you are doing every single second without u telling me. wish i was able to go out for as long as i want, whereever i want. Wish we can laugh, be happy, go out and play again.. wishes wishes...

.and I wish for more love.

It's jan 2011. We're 4 years old now. somehow the number doesn't seem to faze me. maybe numbers don't matter anymore?

Hmm

2010-11-06T17:36:00.002+08:00

Today woke up in the morning and went to run some errands for my dad. Shortly after, mum called and wanted me to fetch her from imm. Again. So then I went. Was slightly earlier so I waited at the pickup point in front of imm's main doors. The stupid security guard kept telling me that my allocated waiting time of 5 mins is up, n told me to move along, to go one round then come back n wait again. I did so thrice. And each time, my 5 mins wasn't even up! For f***'s sake he didn't even have a watch to keep track of time. So I left to park at a nearby hdb carpark until my mum missed call me then I went back to pick her up.

dropped her off and then drove the lorry to my dad's stall cause he wanted to use. After I reached, he told me he has no use for it already.-.-helped him to keep the stall and then went home to bathe n brood in the toilet. Came out n saw that I had 15 missed calls from Wilson. Picked up the next one before the count could reach 16. Wil and XJ were waiting at my house busstop already. So I packed my bag n went, still quite moody n angry. We took the bus then train down to novena. Realized that I can't keep having a moody face around cause...well I don't know..maybe they'll be disappointed with my behaviour or something. So slowly tried putting on a mask..was quite tough cause I really didn't feel like it. But maybe force myself liao then brainwash? Or numb myself to the feeling? Trying not to get irritated at everything and everyone. So numb numb and we got to velocity to collect goodie bag. Found peiyi and we got out bags.

having already eaten a strawberry sundae n seeing Jie got my spirits better bah. Then we all decided to go to plaza sing's arcade to play games. I wanted to play the fishing game, but the machines all seated full of ppl le.:( so we played a few rounds of basketball and bishibashi and spot the diff. Then Jie had to work le, kor and XJ going to vivo city by train. Was deciding whether I wanted to take train or bus..in the end settled with bus n said my goodbyes to kor n xj.

hmm...going home alone still needs getting used to.. Somehow felt more lonely today than other days.. Don't know if I should even go home now..or should I stop where 174 stops? But you won't be there also...I don't even know where you are...

Pride

2010-11-05T15:19:00.002+08:00

Pride is a very complex feeling. It comes when you see someone you know, someone close to you, reach the goal that they have been working towards. And the moment you sit there and see them get their due rewards, there's just this pride in you. Pride that swells up from in your heart, that chokes you and makes you feel like you could just cry. And when you see them smile so wonderfully, it feels like the sun just shone into your heart, filling it with so much warmth that you can't help but smile back. Pride...sighs, now I probably know why mums cry on graduation days and wedding days.

I'm so proud of you..:)

Record!

2010-10-30T20:43:00.002+08:00

I seriously have no idea that I was able to run like how I ran today. 3k in the morning n then 4k later on in the evening. Both in personal record timing. Wow. But now my quads are aching like shit. I can't squat down!! T.T walau. Only 7k leh!! I got 5k and more to achieve if I wanna be able to run this race!

went to westmall with zuoyi at noon after my morning run. Walked ard jp n I got a pouch to put stuff in while running. Bought pat's super belated present n wanted to pass to her at workplace, but called n realized she wasn't in. Oh well, guess I've to give it to her next weekend then..reached home around 5+pm n contemplated for a while before deciding to go for another run. N dragging my brother to go as well. Didn't expect to go 4k, target was actually 2.4k cause I don't really want to overwork? But run halfway jiu found out that I could go the usual 3k easily. Then jiu run lor. Nearing the end of 3k I was quite exhausted n mentally dying le. Then my brother tell me to run one more round. Kept verbally pushing n pushing. Mentally was screaming to stop, but I've no idea why I listened to bro n continued jogging. But of course, not without letting out a stream of vuglar hokkien terms for the first 100m or so.

so off we go on the 5th round! Really nvr thought that I could endure it. It was really tough, mentally, to push past that certain barrier. Physical wise I think I could've gone another round since the general momentum n pacing was there. Plus the legs were on autopilot mode from the 2.4k mark onwards. But oh gosh. The mental power needed is like ****. Sighs. I'm aiming for another 4k tmr morning, n 3k tmr evening. One day rest, and then I'll aim for 5 or 6k. Probably will change running grounds after tmr. It's getting kinda boring running in rounds. I feel like a lab mouse. Lol. So hopefully I'll complete this 12k run, n not come in the last place..:)

anxiety attack?

2010-10-25T01:33:00.002+08:00

I don't know why but i think i just experienced an anxiety attack.

my heart was having it's usual weird erratic beating for maybe a few minutes..then it stopped. thereafter i think i heard a voice.a female voice. say 'hello'. the voice was clear, and so...for a lack of a better word to describe it, velvety. Real, it was so real.. and then straight after i heard that voice, there was this weird, numbing sensation (similar to chills) that started from my head all the way down to the feet. i swear. and after the chill, my heart started pumping faster and faster and i couldn't really breathe properly? i tried to calm myself down, tried to breathe slower, but i failed. the breathing just got harder and more choppy...

and the fear. fear just kept rising in me....i was left jumpy and paranoid at everything. my hands trembled and even after i managed to calm down there was this dormant fear inside me. ready to flare up at any moment. i even jumped when Windows popped out a message with the 'pop' sound. paranoia... i don't know if i can even sleep tonight... i mean...what the hell just happened...

i could really use you to hug me to sleep right now...i really could..

Rain was never this boring:(

2010-10-24T14:21:00.002+08:00

Ugh. It has rained cats n dogs these past few days. Oh I'm sure it'll help to clear up the air..for a while. Spent the whole of Saturday at home with my family. Family time, they call it. Lols. Bee has to book in at 6pm today, n he'll probably only be able to book out next sunday morning due to some..idk, army...thingy.

school's starting next week, I sure hope I'll get along with my classmates. But more importantly I hope that I can settle in on a job. Oh well..that aside, I'm looking forward to exploring a newer NP! Yay I can use the pool n gym facilities again! I think. And I can go eat toasted cheese sandwiches with bacon n lots of mayo! N enjoy the library with aircon, personal cubicle and working pwrpnts! Woohoo! The perks the perks! Man I miss school..:)

crappy day

2010-10-21T19:53:00.003+08:00

You know when you're having a really bad day and people come up to you and tell you that you've to suck it up cause shit happens, and you really want to punch the person in the face? well i'm having such a day. I'm just waiting for that person to come along and tell me that so that i can punch them in the face.

woke up late this morning, supposed to be helping my dad at 8am but ended up waking up only at 9am. looked around the house for my stupid bro and couldn't find him, so i thought that (miraculously) he had gone down to help my dad earlier than I. pfft. fat hope. he came back 10 mins later with soya bean and a loaf of bread as his breakfast! and he hasn't even gone down to help. -.- end up? I showered and went down to help and he was sitting there eating his bread, drinking his soya bean milk and watching eragon dvd. what an ass.

helped my dad at the stall, the both of us munched on biscuits as breakfast cause there were a lot of customers. did what i had to do, and WAS doing what i was supposed to do, until my MUM called. Whatever for? She was asking me to drive her back from IMM. Boiling. and over the phone still asking me to prepare baskets and ribbons for her so that she can wrap a hamper when she gets home. Boil until overflow. asked me where my bro was, and when i told her that he was probably still sleeping, she scolded over the phone that we don't have a heart to help my dad, and somemore ask me to call her when i reach home so she can talk to my bro. Pre-explosion. ok, i'm irritated. but she's my mum, i can't shake her off unless i marry. so i throw her wanted things together and trudged home. reached home and saw my brother sleeping on the couch, his half empty cup and ice tray on the table, the dog poop not cleared, the bedsheets in hell of a mess. EXPLODED.

decided that i shall not do anything, raised my voice and asked him to get up and get down to help. then took the lorry key and drove angrily off. didn't really pay attention to the road, so thank God nothing happened. I parked at the 3rd floor then called my mum to locate her and found her at Giants with a trolley full of stuff. -.- accompanied her until she paid for the stuff, then went to eat (finally) at LJS. sighs.. the only comforting time..i love ljs fries. plus cheese. ultimate comfort.

thereafter, on the way back to the carpark mum saw this bag stall and bought a bag for herself, and one bagpack for me, for when i go to school. lols. went to unload the stuff on the lorry and drove home, feeling better. but....

reach home and found my room still in a mess. seriously. his army bags are on the floor, his boots are freaking in my room, the dustbin is full with his mucus-filled tissues. the most irritating thing is what he did to my beloved bed. he actually slept on my bed for about 2 weeks or so. i let him. know why? cause he can actually sleep until my bedsheets come off the mattress, roll around in a ball at his legs and he don't care! and a few days ago when i wanted him to change the bedsheets and he said okok, and my bed ended up naked. he was sleeping on just the mattress, using the old bedsheet as a blanket! wtf! seriously!

so when i reached home i took out fresh bedsheets and lined my bed. double layer. considered triple, but then i couldn't find the extra sheets. so now my bed is nice and clean. i'll sleep in it and not let that idiot near it. bitch.

on another note, i've got to find a job after school starts and after the schedule is confirmed. was considering working at apple, but heard that the job is quite the crap. and then there's always the zoo. but no matter what i think i really have got to have my own transport. bike. not out of passion or enthusiasm, but out of necessity.

omg. pms lah. such a long post..

2010-10-21T00:02:00.001+08:00

Where do I begin

Where do I begin
To tell the story of how great a love can be
The sweet love story that is older than the sea
The simple truth about the love he brings to me
Where do I start

With his first hello
He gave new meaning to this empty world of mine
There'll never be another love, another time
He came into my life and made the living fine
He fills my heart

He fills my heart with very special things
With angels' songs , with wild imaginings
He fills my soul with so much love
That everywhere I go I'm never lonely
With you my love, who could be lonely
I reach for his hand-it's always there

How long does it last
Can love be measured by the hours in a day
I have no answers now but this much I can say
I know I'll need him till the stars all burn away
And he'll be there

Will he?

还是害怕一个人醒来

2010-10-06T14:00:00.000+08:00

my edward..and my jacob

2010-05-17T17:22:00.002+08:00

Just re-read the Twilight series. And I realized that there was a certain degree of similarity between the 3 main characters and my own life that I could connect with. Minus the drama.

My edward. Never really there due to NS, quite stubborn at times, wanting things to go his way. But always understanding, forgiving, protective. Always knowing more, thinking in more detail before acting out. The love of my life, making my heart run a marathon whenever he looks at me a certain way. Someone that I cannot imagine not being together with. haha.

And then there's always....

My jacob. Always there regardless of whether I needed help or not. Ever ready to reply smses within the hour. But has his emotional side, and is quiet most times. It's easy to be around him, natural. Someone that I know I can truly trust, someone that I know I can tell things to, and then count on his reliable advice. Also he has a contagious smile. :)

So there. my edward and my jacob. The two closest guys in my life, and I love them both. Each in his different way. Can't imagine life without both of them, but I can imagine forever with my edward.

That is, if my edward would be slightly more gentlemanly. maybe that's where the difference is. their personalities fit the other. my edward is like twilight jacob. and my jacob is like twilight edward. Hahaha.

maybe my edward and jacob would know who they are when they read this...interesting, dramatic post. (: i'll wait for responses.

2010-05-13T14:41:00.002+08:00

Hmm.

How is it that I can look so bad on certain days. Like today. Puffy eyes, dishevelled hair, pimples on my face. What more.

Bee's gone on another overnight exercise. which means that there will be no call nor message tonight. I think I can survive. I think. How did he even fall in love with me in the first place got me thinking real hard. I mean, I'm not exactly the best looking girl and I've got my bad days, and I'm really indecisive. Hm, a question only he can answer, I suppose.

On a side note, dreams are really tough to follow.

wow

2010-05-12T12:55:00.002+08:00

how is it that i left off with such a depressing entry? haha.

Update:

-still happily dating daniel

-still with my current job at the animal clinic

That's pretty much all of my life right now. kinda sad, i know. but my job has just been sucking away alot of my time. I swear i'll switch to part-time some time in June. Then maybe look for a better paying job with lesser working hours.

Been meeting bee once a week, on saturday nights, or sunday evenings. that's the only time he gets to book out, and also the only time i get to see him for the week. Sighs. September, September.. then he'll commission, and start his officer contract. For 4 years.

After 4 years, and all goes well, I wanna hear some bells, see a cake and walk an aisle in a dress.

*dreaming*

i don't know when you will see this bee, but i love you! :D

2009-09-13T21:02:00.002+08:00

So many things that should've been said,

so many things that shouldn't be that way,

so many feelings within me that contradict

I don't know where do i stand now. I feel more and more lost as time goes by.

The worst kind of feeling i can get, is to be void of any feeling. that sort of means something, does it not?

Time is not on my side.Patience wears thin, expectations are dissolving. why do i keep waiting for things that don't seem to come?

I get scared. I get tired of waiting. Bottomline is, I AM STILL A HUMAN. like everyone else, i've my limits and expectations. and disappointment hurts like a dagger in the throat. I don't want honey words, i'm looking for actions that support those words. Something substantial i can see.

Please?

I don't want it to turn out for the worst. Which is why i typed this, and I don't have much time with you left, i hope we can talk more and not a few messages in a few days. Preparing me for your army period? No, i don't want that. draw me closer back to you. cause i think i'm drifting and i'm feeling the distance. Can you do it?

YAY~!

2009-08-04T13:09:00.002+08:00

CONGRATS TO BABY~!!!! haha! i'm so excited! ((:
and so proud of him. :D

just last night, I went out with baby, eeren, JJ and both their girlfriends. We all went by bike, and baby sped up to 140+ with me at the back luh! scary but fun. hahaha. and now i can't wait for newer one!! :D We went to newton to eat and chat about stuff. We met James there as well as Sasha. the girl that they said looked like me. Hmm..i don't know about that though. Their other friends sitting aroung them kept asking each other who I was. and I kinda felt awkward. heh.

As for my hair, I've decided to take matters into my own hands and change my fringe. to my old side parting. haha!

Wanna go out soon!! :))

2009-08-03T12:32:00.002+08:00

I just realised that my workplace politics have taken a slight change. Thank God. So now at least i've acquired a little bit of advantage.

Talked to an old friend recently, and it hit me that so many people ard me are facing relationship problems. Being unable to let go, move on and deal with their r/s. some around me who also return to their previous old habits after their r/s ended. It's kind of amazing, in a perverse sort of way, how a person can change you so much, make you feel so much when they are close to you. And then when they are out of your life, it's like switching off the lights again. But I guess no matter what, these people will always leave something with you, sort of like a scar, or an imprint. Humans are selfish creatures. even though someone may seem to keep giving and be happy giving, deep inside, they'll always want something back. Sad, but i think its true.

Lol. shouldn't think so much le. I'll get headaches and hallucinations, then ruin my day. and someone else's day too. haha!

Work is coming along well i suppose. No big boo-boos to complain about so far, although i'm sure i'll be blogging about it in the near future.

I'm considering signing up for basic japanese classes. and maybe piano classes. and perhaps bike lessons. but maybe i should discuss with my parents for the bike. I need private transport badly.

ALL THE BEST TO BABY FOR TOMORROW!! *Hugs* (:

feels like... :(

2009-07-25T17:40:00.002+08:00

I OFFICIALLY FEEL LIKE SHIT.

Have flu and dry throat. very sleepy.
feeling a little pissed.
don't know who to trust.

I just want to go back into time.so badly..

2009-07-17T18:11:00.003+08:00

bah. Just got the new schedule for next week. and the clinic's got 2 new receptionists. I think the both of them are locals, but who knows, maybe they'll turn out to be foreigners? sighs. only got the tuesday off for next week, even though im working the normal 44 hours. (usually the arrangements can be made for 2 off days. i suspect the senior recept is behind all this.)

rented VCDs to watch yesterday. watched underworld evolution, harry potter & phoenix and TWILIGHT. twilight is so romantic luh!!

and my clinic has a jack russell now giving birth. lols. totally random.

at work

2009-07-16T12:44:00.002+08:00

Ah well, yet another day at work. Today seems to be weirdly hot though. I know i should be used to Singapore weather by now, but it always catches me by surprise. hah.

Watched Iceage3 with my colleagues, and found it quite hilarious. But personally I feel 1 and 2 are funnier than this one. I won't exactly regret watching la..just that I wouldn't want to watch it again. :x Wil brother came to my house last night so i could pass him his pay. His hair looks so weird..like, too long and flat. Then mum commented on how thin he was. -.- she can never seem to leave people alone huh... I should seriously start swimming weekly with wil brother again! I'm gaining weight just working and eating and sleeping. haven't exercised in a month le.. :((

Went out with muffin to west coast park on tuesday afternoon. We went to west coast macs to have our lunch. muffin caught a blue 'funky' bee and fed it sprite, then flung it into the bushes. I think the bee will die. After that, we went to a shelter facing the sea and muffin took an afternoon nap on the bench while I sat beside him and enjoyed the sea. nearing the evening, baby and i took a toilet break, and he thinks he heard someone having sex in the cubicles. lols! people ar, getting braver and braver these days.. tsk tsk. after that we went to sit on the rocks and sang songs. I miss spending time like that with muffin...singing songs and leaning on each other. It feels really soothing. as if all your problems have been covered up with a thick curtain and all you want is for that moment to last longer. haha. kua zhang hor.

I Love you so much.. (:

MIA-ed

2009-07-12T21:36:00.002+08:00

Lols. This blog's dead. Haha..

Anyway, just want to take this chance to say sorry to my friends, esp jo, shy and jing, for not being able to come out and play..the job's really taking alot outta me. maybe i'll learn to relax more a month plus later, and then perhaps i'll get more energy to come out and play. haha.

Got my first pay last week! and now already half is used up le. damn. I need to manage my money. Job is...ok i suppose. I guess you can never really expect too much from a job. Every job has its unglam moments. haha. Plus the politics! aye aye...always the politics, the dirty backstabbing. Which is why i like to say 'Love the job, hate the people'.

Not all the people of course. I've a few closer colleagues whom i do feel much easier working around. Sometimes the doctors are not very friendly, sometimes senior recepts like to bully the newbies, sometimes the customers like to think recepts are meant to be shouted at. In other words, its quite a pressurising job. So i think i need to learn how to relax.

Haven't been able to really meet with anyone lately. Even muffin. Met him a few times, and we went to fun places for a day before i had to get back to work again. Went to sentosa, dams and jack's place, L4D. haha. I really hope i can spend more time with muffin. (: Loves.

Job

2009-05-27T20:07:00.002+08:00

I've gotten the job as receptionist le.. gonna start work next monday. i'm a little nervous and scared though.. i've never had to work for so long before, and i think i've never been so lost before a job. lost in the sense that i've so many new things to learn, and the fact that i've to work and learn, it's kinda scary.

The people there are really really nice though. and i suppose the people there all share a common love for animals, and so we all should be able to get along just fine. i guess. Sighs. i'm abit reluctant to let go of the freedom i have now though. but i know the freedom i have now is actually lazing around doing nothing. but the sudden change from nothing to long hours of work...i'm scared.. :(

which is why i want to spend as much time as i can with baby the remaining of this week. and i think i'll apply for paid leave on Oct 7th. then request for off day on both my bday and baby's. Sighs. scared.

piknik!

2009-05-26T09:19:00.005+08:00

Yesterday I went to kranji dam with muffin to have our picnic! but before that, we went to JP's Fairprice xtra to get our lunch/dinner. We bought...everything you will see in the pictures. haha! then loaded up my backpack with it. super heavy luh! then baby biked us to kranji dam!

We lazed around and ate our bread + tuna until full. baby took a nap on my lap and i watched the birds flying over the reservoir. then we changed place cause we were happily feeding the mozzies as well! stupid mozzies should be made extinct. :(

baby took some nice pictures of the area too!

After we changed places to the entrance, we kinda stayed there till the night. haha. we played black jack, and i lost terribly :( then we tried to make card houses, failing miserably because of the wind. hahs. then there was this 'security' uncle who came to chase away all the china workers fishing there.

Then it was my turn to take a cooler evening nap in muffin's arms. the wind was really quite cold. after that, we changed places again. this time, we crossed the road to another carpark area where we could see Johor. There, we took out our soups to drink, finished up the last tuna can, fed the wild dogs our bread n soup, and slurped up our chicken essence. I was so FULL. lols. after chicken essence, we packed up and then baby sent me home. (: Loves~!

I really had plenty of fun baby!! im glad this picnic turned out well (: Interview on Wednesday!!! :D

2009-05-24T12:05:00.002+08:00

Went to youth fellowship yesterday, it was quite funny, hearing james talk about liberty and love. haha..but it was meaningful, and the discussion afterward was meaningful as well! hmm. and after that, justin, baby and I flew to theodore's house for dinner. i thought we'd be quite late already cause it was around 7pm? but nah, we arrived quite in time for dinner to be served!

Theo cooked for us a korean dinner this time. there's this really really tasty mashed potato and carrot dish, and a surprisingly addictive soup, the korean chicken wing spicy soup (i dunnoe what's it called), a tomato cheese omelette and a mushroom tofu dish. I tell you, i swear that guy can open a restaurant. haha! never fails to come up with new dishes that taste good!! :D but i still love his chicken risotto. hahaha. then after dinner the rest of the group watched a stephen chow show, and i played L4D on theo's desktop. super addictive game!!

the three of us left early. around 1030pm. the two guys sent me home first, then they went to visit sharon who's working at westmall.

and recently, i've been offered a job by a friend's mum, to work at the animal clinic. at clementi there. as a receptionist. i like the idea of it, because ultimately, this exposes me to real clinical situations, and who knows, i can get to learn things from a backdoor way. it's really good, and everyone's been telling me to take the job. thing is, the job's to be full-time, for maybe about a year, i think the working days are mon-sat, and the pay is 1300. does anyone know if it's compulsory to give to CPF if i am working like that? or is it something that the employer and employee can work out tgt?

hai, if there's no rotating shift n really have to work mon-sat, i think i'd be really pooped out. plus i cannot help but think about how am i gonna get time for muffin and i? sunday cannot cos need to go church. then if sun cannot...then...how.. plus his bday? mine? his enlistment??? arghhh!

Singspiration~

2009-05-16T20:55:00.002+08:00

I really want to have a hymn book wor... and of course, learn how to sing those songs! I just saw a new hymn book today! called something like halleujah and hosannas..the songs are much more modern than the majestic hymns, but they only have the guitar chords..i wouldn't mind having the majestic hymns too! after all, majestic has the piano notes so i know roughly how to sing.. but the songs are so nice in hosannas book!! hahaha. I like 'be still and know'!! It's a super nice song can.. haha, went to play captain's ball after service. i stepped on this guy's slipper and it broke lah! I feel so bad.. :( but he managed to repair it.. hahs.

Captain's ball was quite fun, but chaotic.. after that, i went back to the room and talked with issac. his guitar playing is really quite good! and he's really kind to say he'll teach me any song i want to learn from the book. haha. so now i got two teachers!! baby and issac!

baby and justin sent me home after that, and i hope baby gets better soon! (: i wanna go watch angels n demons with him soon.. some private time alone finally! hahs.

I am going to go find a job! part time or temporary work..so i get some money to spare when baby and i decide to go sentosa to watch show and explore and eat fantastically heavenly FOOD. oh the spring chicken and riosotto...*drools* baby will be drooling over their beef steak, which is good as well! the firm on your fork, melts in your mouth kinda beef. hahaha.

2009-05-15T20:16:00.002+08:00

I HAVE CRAVINGS FOR LONG JOHN SILVERS!!! A VERY VERY STRONG CRAVING!! T.T

why westmall don't have LJS...:( I want to eat the fries with their cheese!! and their battered fish! all dipped in CHEESE. *drools*

Going to go out with my cousins this sunday. been millions of years since i've last met with all of them tgt.. hah.

sighs, maybe i'd be going for YF tml afternoon, but i don't know what to tell my mum.. :(

and i need moolah.

2009-05-14T21:25:00.002+08:00

Bah. I just received two rejection letters from NTU and NUS. super depressing to have to open the both of them in a space of 5 minutes. oh well, i guess i'll just have to find some work to do, save up the money and then try to go somewhere.

i hope i can get to study what i want to. but in money sense, quite impossible.. maybe i'll just consider sticking to business stuff and get bachelors with honors.

baby's falling really sick. i hope he'll get better real soon! he'll be in my prayers.

I want to go church! sighs. and mum's still being very sensitive on the topic, so i try not to talk to her too much about it.. but i wanna goooooo...... maybe this saturday. maybe.

I'VE RECENTLY HAD A STROKE OF INSPIRATION! MAYBE I CAN BE ANIMAL DOCUMENTARY NARRATOR! like sir david attenborough! :D hahahaha..

weeee!

2009-05-09T22:10:00.002+08:00

I'm really happy these days. It's almost as if all my prayers are being answered! I happily lost my job as tuition for the auntie, and there's an unexpected surprise for mum and I. and also, today, God answered my prayers and my mum didn't force me to go to the temple to pray! oh thank God so so much! :D plus my family and i went to eat subway and everyone was happy. just that i don't know if i should ask to go church tml.. :x

Oh well.. anyway, i went for gathering at marina square on wednesday. went with zuoyi, wengkin, congkai, rouqin and I. we ate at yuki yaki, then went to the pool place to play pool! it was real fun to see them again (:

I WANT TO WATCH ANGELS AND DEMONS!! I totally want to watch it. dated dan already. lols. also i want to learn how to play To Zanarkand.. :( i cannot learn by myself sia. boo. so i've decided to ask merlyn and jervis to teach me how! :D wahaha..tis called cousin bonding. talking of cousins, gonna meet the girls on the 16 of may! i can't wait!

It's going to be the 12th soon! and it's my GRADUATION DAY! :D i've got so many things i wanna do! rent a car, do my hair, my makeup, where to go after that etc. and i'm so nervous about going to take my cert! T.T getting cold feet~

I love u baybee! :DD

Feeling better!

2009-04-28T23:12:00.003+08:00

Things have cleared up considerably after church last sunday. (: so now i pretty much leave it up to God to decide, and i've been praying at night for guidance and all. and here are some photos that are taken when mum, dad and i went to ECP for a little break a week or so ago.

The sea view

Daddy was tired from the drive. haha

Looking for seashells!

puffy's windswept face

The Flyer in the dark.

I really hope i can get to go out with baby soon. Like to sentosa or to a park or to a movie to chillax and just be with each other.. (: Loves!!

2009-04-25T14:34:00.002+08:00

Dilemma and Disappointment amongst Happiness.

I'm having this terrible dilemma now, and i'm really confused. but maybe, just maybe, there's an inkling of hope and chance. i just read from tengah BP website, and i just think that there may be a chance of a solution, however cowardly it may seem. but nevertheless, i'll continue asking God to show me a way out.

Disappointment in myself and maybe some people around me. sometimes i've no sense of emotions at all, esp last night, towards muffin. It just seemed like we were friends, nothing more. As if i didn't see him at all...and i'm disappointed for feeling that way. or maybe i'm thinking of something else more important, like my upcoming dilemma, to feel anything else.

Happiness, because i've found something that i believing in... and because i know i've waiting so long, receiving so many invitations from Him.

but then, am i truly accepted by Him?

wtf.

2009-04-15T18:03:00.003+08:00

seriously i don't know what's going on with me these days. i think i'm having really bad mood swings. i get irritated at the smallest things and i feel like scolding everyone, as if everything is pissing me off.

and im now officially still pissed off. what the fuck?

and why can't i contact people i want to contact?!

and why can't my dog leave my soft toy alone?!

and why the weather is so hot?!

why don't i have a uni acceptance letter in my mail?!

wah. fucking pissed. fucking pissed at everything.

told you i've a mood swing.

hmm.

2009-04-12T22:09:00.004+08:00

Went to IKEA to purchase the new bed frame and some other things. I officially love IKEA now! It's super carefree there, you can try out all the beds and sofas and chairs, and there won't be any irritating staff hovering over you. I went to eat the food there and i managed to take a picture of the soup of the day. which is some asparagus and something soup. It tasted like mushroom though.

The asparagus soup as mentioned.

I couldn't finish it though..too creamy for me.

anyway, went to church with muffin today, it was an interesting visit and i had alot of mixed emotions and feelings within me. i think muffin is the most understanding person ever! haha. he's being really gracious and patient, something which i've never really seen in all those christians who bug me on the street. and it is also the approach that works with me, i guess. i mean, if i've never met muffin and if i didn't listen to him, i would most probably hate christians now. and i would most probably have continued to misunderstand them. alot of things to think about.

went to ernest's house to do something. i think ernest's dog doesn't like muffin, she kept barking at him. and to keep her quiet, i carried her and walked in circles so baby and ernest could talk properly. after that we went to visit nelson! we all went to the coffee shop to have dinner and talk about the topics during church service. after which baby sent me home. (: loves!

i just thought you should see this. I went to clear my letterbox after you left on your bike, and see what i found! (:

haha.

revamp!

2009-04-04T00:02:00.004+08:00

I'm gonna revamp my room! and of course, mum's room has to be revamped too (to be fair you know -.-).

BUT as far as it's going, my room's gonna get a new double decker bed! and also, i'm gonna change the study table, and a few cupboards, add a mirror and some shelves, a fresh coat of paint if possible. I'll do a before and after shot of my room. but you cannot laugh at my old room!! It's super duper messy.

Will probably be going to IKEA to get the furniture and stuff. cheaper there, dad says.

Hung out with baby on thursday and we spent some well-deserved time together! (: It felt like ages since we could have some private time! haha..we went to Jurong Point too, and he showed me the HelloKitty merchandise shop. it was a really cute shop! the little clutch purses and bags are eye catchingly cute, the kawaii-ne kind of cute! then we went to ntuc xtra to do some random shopping. we looked at alcohol and campbell and searched in vain for salsa sauce. but in the end, baby bought a lobster bisque canned soup and we both got clam chowder cans and a bottle of Perrier sparkling water infused with lime.

According to baby on the phone today, the lobster bisque soup is definitely worth it's $5.95, and according to us on thursday, the bottle of Perrier is as good as throwing our $3 into the bin. It's like antiseptic that you would smell in the hospital. except now, you're tasting it. Sheesh. I don't know why high class people would want to drink sparkling water if they all taste like that.

Baby and I ended off the day eating orh-ya mee sua. i gave my oysters to baby and he says they are good. :x It was a great day spent together =D

I'm looking forward to my new room! and also, perhaps a part-time job, and hopefully some miracle to guide me on my path. lols.

i love you baby (:

2009-03-28T12:06:00.002+08:00

Went for skate yesterday. quite alot of us were there cause there's a photoshoot going on for the club for SDAR. there was a group shot, and then photos were taken of club members skating around the rink and such. i hope theodore uploads the photos soon so i can kope. haha. and then after skate, theo/razer/alicia/roy/macy/weilian/condrey and i went to Thompson road to eat their famous roti prata. which i thought wasn't very special leh.. Talked about the guy on the NewPaper, who got his penis stuck in a bottle for about a week, and is (whoops! 'was') 77 years old. he kinda died of something a few days after his penis got freed by doctors at TTSH. and he had like, about 1 liter of urine which they had to drain outta him! gross! :( so guys, please don't stick your penis in small constricting objects just for the sexual 'high' of it. it just sucks to have it stuck and swollen. ..................ew.

After that we all got onto either theo's or razer's car and they drove us home. i got super sleepy so i slept my way back. i got up enough to tell condrey about some weird dreams i had, then got back to sleep. couldn't open my eyes when they woke me up. theodore's internal car light was like the sun. lols. was rummaging through the boot trying to find my skates in the dark when razer helpfully highbeamed? behind me and provided some source of light. haha. many thanks to theo and razer. reached home at 1am and got nagging as usual, but i was too tired to bother so i trudged off to shower and then sleep.

Earlier in the week i went to The Daily Scoop with the girls and then we went off to JP to walk around and window shop. we ended up buying oyster mee sua and sitting at the benches, slurping up the meesua. It feels damn good. We were also talking about part-time jobs and all. I need to get some income. and i'm feeling like a lazy bum after a talk baby and i had. about how we are growing up and have to be responsible and start thinking of our futures now. sighs. i do not want to grow up. it just hurts so much to be an adult. =(

ahh..the sweet taste of freedom.

2009-03-11T23:51:00.002+08:00

YAY! exams are over, and there are no more projects to freaking worry about anymore!! and i've finished my polytechnic education well and proper! now that's a cause to celebrate! :D

I've been paying off the sleep debt ever since, and i do look much better! getting enough sleep really makes the dark circles go away and makes me look more human. Went to Sentosa with muffin on the second of march to celebrate 2yrs 2mth 1day. hah. It was really quite fun, although i do admit i was a little sianed at the start. We started off the day trekking the jungles and lost trails of sentosa. and by saying lost trails, i do mean the trails that are blocked off ( by several palm trees -.-) so muffin and i walked the forgotten paths of the jungle, met a dead end, climbed up a 2story high muddy grassy slope (full of red ants) to the main road of sentosa. from there we walked over to imbiah and civilisation, and had subway!

Then we took the internal shuttle bus to siloso and wanted to tan,but then it started raining. so both of us took shelter at one of the small beach huts. there was an old angmoh couple under the hut when we arrived, and they each had this big beach towel wrapped around their waist. and they were NAKED on the BOTTOM! how do i know? Because muffin and i saw them trying to wear their granny underwear without lifting the towel too high! LOLS! haha.. but they were a friendly couple lah. they left shortly after, and we both lazed and cuddled under the hut, waiting for the rain to pass. The rain did pass after a while, and the sun came out shining really brightly. so joy for us! baby found a beach ball and we played with it for a while before we decided to go kayaking! It was super fun kayaking, and we found a soccer ball and a volleyball floating out in the sea. haha.

after kayaking we slapped on the suntan lotion for each other and laid down onto the warm sand. baby fell asleep tanning :x i kept flipping to get an even tan so i didn't fall asleep. haha! after i felt that i tanned enough, i walked over to the water to wash off the sand and oil. at that time, the stretch of beach was pretty empty..there weren't any people playing in the water. BUT there were 2 banglas sitting at the coconut tree higher up the beach. i wanted to avoid them as much as possible cos i was wearing a bikini, so i took a wider arc down to the water. after i was pretty much done washing the sand off, i turned around to walk back and guess what i saw.

One of the banglas was holding his handphone, squatting by the water's edge not 20 steps away, aiming the phone at my direction! LIKE WTF! has he no sense of gentleman in him?! so, feeling grossed out and vulnerable, i quickly walked back to muffin and then told him about it. he reckons the banglas should get whacked. I regretted that i didn't splash water at him and wet his bloody phone. :(

Muffin and i went to cafe delmar to eat dinner after that. the food there is GOOD. after our dinner we sat at their beds outside to enjoy the cool night air and eat some finger food and drink our s'pore sling. then we took the positively freezing 61 back home. it was a wonderful wonderful day (:

And today muffin came over to have movie marathon at my house. we rented 5 dvds. so far we watched one missed call, oujah board and red cliff 2( my own dvd). there's still dark water, minority report and hitman to watch! haha. i hope muffin comes over again soon! (: it's so good to have him next to me, lazing on the couch together! haha.

bear pictures

2009-02-10T02:59:00.008+08:00

these bears are for sale, but im not sure of the prices now because my mum is never there to sit down and hear me out. -.-

i will add in their prices as soon as i know them. oh, and these bears require time to arrange and are limited, so if you really want them, you've to be fast! (:

Introducing the bears~!

Bear A: bears on a stick $12

Bear B: romeo and juliet $22

Bear C: Bears in a bouquet $22

Bear D: Bear, glass and heart. *one bear only* $20

Bear E: Bear hugging glass. $26.90

Glass A: A nice drinking glass with a heart tied to it.

Bear F: Bear holding a giftbox. giftbox can be slightly opened. $29.90

Bear G: Hoodie bear wrapped bouquet style. $29.90

ALRIGHT! THATS ALL FOR THE BEARS!

ONTO THE FLOWERS!

I decided to post up the photos of some flowers just in case people wonder how they look like.

These are white lilies.

These are tulips.

Baby's breath. It is used as an accompaniment flower.

Forget me not. Also an accompaniment flower.

EVERY ONE KNOWS HOW ROSES LOOK LIKE, SO IM NOT GONNA POST UP THOSE PICTURES.

VALENTINE FLOWER BOUQUETS

2009-02-08T23:38:00.006+08:00

I'll be helping my mum promote her valentine bouquets and bears here on my blog. i'll probably know most of you who will be ordering from me, so if you do want to order, you can either call, email or messenger me. (=

i'll be posting up a few photos of bears that we're selling, and i hope to get some pictures of bouquets as well. don't count on it, but what i can tell you is that our flowers are reasonably priced *i would even say cheap* and there are competent florists to work on it, so don't worry! (:

There would not be any deliveries to doorsteps. however, if the response from my poly mates are good, then there MAY be a mass meetup arranged at ngee ann. MAY. if not, then i'll provide directions to my mum's stall. but hopefully there's good response lah ok? haha.

The table of flower prices. All flowers come nicely arranged in a small bouquet, with nice wrapping and a ribbon. Note: the free bear picture will be posted. colors will be given at random because we don't have enough for people to choose.

you are free to purchase any other bear shown, but they are in limited quantities because it's hard to arrange them in a bouquet-ish way. so if you really want them, do be quick!! i will update on which bears are sold out.

Bouquet prices:

These are the bears that will be given for free with the required purchases made:

the left most pair are the small sized bears, on the right most are the medium sized bears. they come in pairs.

the bear pictures will be posted up on the next post.

2009-02-07T14:29:00.002+08:00

just very recently, i've gotten re-addicted to U2's with or without you... the song is...intriguing. a very helpless song, and i think the singer really got into it.. all that emotion...*goosebumps*

wonder how they sing like that..

anyway, 2 tests down and 2 more to go..plus an FYP presentation & report. i don't think i see the light at the tunnel just yet. especially when both the presentation and report hasn't even started. lol. i predict an accumulation of sleep debt coming these few days.

managed to spend a bit of time with dan when i bumped into him at the underpass. i haven't been able to see him for like, the longest time ever. and there's still another 3 more weeks until the ultimate freedom. sighs. tough. i guess it's a good thing that work can distract me from him, but now i keep finding work to do just to prevent myself from pining and all. and it's not easy..especially when your subconscious mind wants to relax, and relax = him.

went to kallang to skate last night, like finally! after a month plus of not skating.. haha.. the ice felt weird, and i felt weird..like some paralysed person learning to walk again. but anyways, we could only skate for 2 hours, then theo,con,yan,weilian,derek,macy and i went to west coast's macdonalds to have supper. theodore drove us home after that..haha.. i owe theodore lots of trips home. haha..

well i guess i just want all this school shit to be over really soon.

i love you, you know i do.

2009-02-07T14:25:00.000+08:00

See the stone set in your eyes
See the thorn twist in your side
I wait for you

Sleight of hand and twist of fate
On a bed of nails she makes me wait
And I wait without you

With or without you
With or without you

Through the storm we reach the shore
You give it all but I want more
And Im waiting for you

With or without you
With or without you
I cant live
With or without you

And you give yourself away
And you give yourself away
And you give
And you give
And you give yourself away

My hands are tied
My body bruised, shes got me with
Nothing to win and
Nothing left to lose

And you give yourself away
And you give yourself away
And you give
And you give
And you give yourself away

With or without you
With or without you
I cant live
With or without you

With or without you
With or without you
I cant live
With or without you
With or without you

that age old question

2009-02-03T22:12:00.002+08:00

"What are you planning to do after you graduate from poly?"

honestly, i don't know. i was pretty sure about what i was going to do after poly...until today.

until today, i didn't exactly bother to research on my intended course.

until today, i didn't know that Singapore doesn't offer any degrees on my intended course.

until today, i didn't know that i'd probably have to stay for at least 4 to 5 years abroad to study my intended course.

until today, i didn't realise that if i pursued my intended course abroad, it'll probably cost me AU45,000 annually.

until today, i didn't know that i'll need A level science for a minimum to be able to enter a uni safely.

until today, i didn't know how much i'd have to sacrifice to pursue my intended course.

My intended course? Veterinary studies.
yes, laugh and giggle at me all you want. A business IT diploma student turning 180 degrees around to study veterinary studies?! I've always been so sure about becoming a vet, because i love animals and i have been loving them almost all my life. but now things have kind of gotten me thinking on earth instead of up on the moon.

Is it remotely possible??

And everyone around me seems to know where they wanna go, what they wanna do.

shy wants to major in Tourism, and that's good for her. baby wants to go into NTU to major his media studies, and that's good too! half of my class are probably already applying for business majors in NTU, NUS or SMU. and the thing is, they CAN get into these unis!

The thing with me? i'm trying to change course totally.

It's like you're already heading downstream, and then suddenly you want to turn around and start going upstream to swim to the top of Niagara Falls.

And then my confidance wavers and i become cowardly, so i consider taking something to do with business. like LAW, or BIZ & COMPUTING. these courses are more realistic and they could earn me pretty good money.but my heart tells me that i cannot continue forcing myself to study something i don't like!

my heart and mind are telling me two totally different things! i mean, sure, i want my vet degree badly. but i know that there are many things i cannot let go, like my family, and muffin. i cannot study there all alone for 4 or 5 years! and the market for vets is very limited here in singapore. but i love animals. i want to heal them, i want to be able to save them.

Sighs. I'm very disappointed that Singapore doesn't offer vet courses. i'm more disappointed when i think about the future, where i may not be able to love the work that i do.

I'm glad you know what you want, muffin. I'm probably envious because you knew what you wanted from the beginning, and didn't have to go through this dilemma like me.

my new fav song~

2009-01-15T14:48:00.002+08:00

傻瓜

其實他做的壞事我們都懂

沒有什麼不同
眼光閃爍

曖昧流動

閉上眼當作聽說

其實別人的招數我們都懂

沒有什麼不同
故作軟弱

撒嬌害羞

只是有一點彆扭

傻瓜也許單純地懂
愛得沒那麼做作

愛上了我不保留

傻瓜

我們都一樣

被愛情傷了又傷
相信這個他不一樣

卻又再一次受傷

傻瓜

我們都一樣

受了傷卻不投降
相信付出會有代價

代價只是一句傻瓜

i like landy wen. she's got that next door girl pretty look. and she's got nice colored contacts in the sha gua MV too! plus the song is pretty catchy!

p.s: this song is my new fav song because i like how it sounds. there is absolutely nothing wrong with baby and I. I still love him and he's MY 傻瓜 =)

What wouldn't i give to be in your arms? nothing. because my world seems so very complete when you're here with me.

2009-01-07T09:37:00.002+08:00

I know. it's been super long since my last post. i've been tired recently, and i've been having really bad appetite also. i didn't have my dinner last night and i still don't feel like eating. Sighs. Lots of project work to do, alot of help needed at the stall etc etc.

so depressing hor.

it seems like this semester's going to be worse than the previous, doesn't it? we're finding it so hard to go out with each other. frustrations due to work, i think, will affect us somehow. tensions will be high, r/s will feel strained. and maybe we'll quarrel, we'll feel insecure. in other words, it's another trying period. man...it sucks.

exams r over!

2008-12-11T22:04:00.002+08:00

Like finally, the common tests are over! not that the papers went very well. in fact, i think i can prepare to fail at least one of the papers. sighs. education can be so stressful.

anyway, it's over. and i'm done wallowing in my misery. so now, it's the holidays! i've got plenty to do this holiday. like tons of project work, helping out at my mum's stall, going out with baby, hanging out with friends etc. speaking of hanging with friends, i feel like i've suddenly been ignored by an old friend. like, no reason kind of ignored. weird.

Also in the to-do item list is to convince mummy to let me go for leadership camp, bring humpin the cat and my two dogs to the vet, prepare to stock take the humongous amount of new year stuffs and then get ready for CNY war.

I'm going to be so tired this CNY. short of manpower plus i've got to study for my big finals plus we've to complete our final year projects. everythings becoming messed up even before they start. oh well. i just wanna go for camp. i need to relax. pray and pray that my mum will willingly allow me to go for the entire period of the camp.

Photos!!

2008-11-25T23:27:00.005+08:00

Here are the photos from the trip!!

Cake Cutting!! Its Nick's 21st Birthday! =D

The birthday boy with the *half melted* icecream cake

Family Photo!!

Huh? What? My cake?

Everyone's rushing to get a bite of the 93RM icecream cake!!

*i still cant believe i bought such an expensive cake*-.-

My Godbro, his girlfriend, his brother, and his brother's girlfriend.

Godbro's brother and girlfriend

Left: Godbrother. Right: His brother. LOL

Godbrother with his girlfriend!

A Hearty Buffet Breakfast, anyone?? =D

The food looks good, but acutally, i prefer restaurants where u can get better cooked food

at about the same price. In singapore, of course.

Family Portrait?

ROAR!! Im so gonna kill him.

We were asked to act cute and act 'man'. So there.

Daddy and me!

Random picture

SO YAY. PICTURE POST DONE!!

2008-11-25T12:44:00.002+08:00

Watched madagascar 2 with baby (as mentioned in the previous post) and i felt it wasn't as bad as i thought it would be. Lots of values incorporated into the movie and thats why my group chose it to be our assignment topic for our media module.

I love the 4 penguins! they steal away everyone's (or at least i think) attention! They truely demonstrated teamwork and efficiency throughout the whole movie! Be it fixing the plane, or navigating it or going around looking for metal parts, they are one lean mean penguin machine! And they are really funny as well :))

Malaysia trip was...ok lah.. I shall put up the pictures in the next post and perhaps add in a few photos from my birthday celebration at home. yeap.

Met up with baby and theodore last night. We went for dinner after an 'event' then for a shopping trip at NTUC jurong point. Had quite some fun there, then theo sent me home with baby also.

Have faith okay baby? cause i know i do.

MAC-ified

2008-11-19T13:48:00.004+08:00

I just mac-dified my desktop! Downloaded some applications and now it looks so cool! :D i love those smart asses who go and program applications to 'beautify' the very mundane-looking windows desktop!

This week is so tense. it feels like hearts are so heavy, and its hard to be truely happy for long because every other day seem to have deadlines to meet and teachers to please.

And im stuck in an academic related dilemma, which is really bugging me. So yeah, how can i relax?

Going out to dinner and movie with baby tonight. It really has been a long time since we went out on a proper date. i hope i can destress by watching movies. Somehow. Although i know, it's a withdrawal thingy..something i learnt from media class. :x

I wanna swim! but it's the visiting time of the month, so yeah. =( another deprivation.

I miss freedom and i miss baby.

I think i'm officially an APPLE fanatic. I nearly fried my laptop with drool when i saw the new MacBook Pro. Plus their new iPod Nano 4th Gen is really good for basic all-round entertainment, the wonderful colors are a bonus. DELICIOUS.

SWEET.

I'm addicted to Macintosh.

skate!

2008-11-14T11:20:00.002+08:00

I'm gonna go to kallang to skate today around evening time. class is real boring now, and next week is packed to the brim with presentations. which would probably mean that this weekend will be spent at home and in front of my computer, preparing slides. =(

Makes me think of what people are doing during their free days...hmm.. i don't think i've a life anymore. =x everything in my life now is just 1) school, 2) home. yup. just doing schoolwork, or going home to slack/work some more.

common tests coming up in 2 or 3 more weeks, then a 3 week break, of which will be spent on final year project, then the short second half of the semester will start. and it will be a super hectic, very tense last semester. relationships are strained and we're all just potential time bombs, we don't know when we'll blow, we don't know who we'll hurt.

It's a depressing final semester.

LUST

2008-11-12T20:29:00.003+08:00

I'm now lusting after THIS BABY:

THE iPOD NANO 4TH GEN!!

woohoo!! it comes in delicious colors and you get to choose between 8Gb and 16Gb! It can play movies too of course, which is a bonus for me. PLUS i need entertainment on those long boring bus rides to school every morning!! how about while waiting for baby? and while waiting for classes? on super long bus rides to kallang ice rink? how about while SLEEPING! and my earphones are growing mushrooms soon cause i cant use them.

ahhhh... =( i need to save about 300+ if i want to get the 16Gb Nano. But...its sooooo... *drools*

Anyway, Week 6 of school is next week, and it heralds a whole week of presentations! Lecture presentations, PBL presentations, assignment presentation. blah blah.

:( i need to break away from reality once in a while u know. the ipod could help alot.. :p

food!

2008-11-11T20:43:00.002+08:00

haha. right now im having honey stars for dinner, and no, i'm not trying to be anorexic, just that i had kaki fuyong in school in the late afternoon.

Alone at home right now, and trying to get my Navision workshop homework done, as well as the idiotic UML diagram. Gosh i HATE schoolwork!! and just today, we had our first FYP presentation. I could feel the tension and the competitiveness in the classroom air! It almost suffocated me. sighs. stuck in a class full of near-perfect-GPA-scores geniuses. even doing homework online is stressful. and i've to work with a group of them for lecture presentation next week. GREAT. someone just kill me right now so i don't have to work with them.

thinking of starting lessons at kallang with con soon, but don't have the money!! i've always been wondering...if i had enough money for regular lessons, would i already have exceeded fs4 by now? hmm.. maybe..

im bored and i wanna talk to baby. but he's probably still asleep cause he didn't sleep last night cause he has two tests today. =( i miss him so much..

i miss the simple days even more.

2008-11-05T21:20:00.002+08:00

ITS E-LEARNING!!

sometimes i think e-learning week can be such a bother. yet it gives more freedom. the workload on e-learning weeks can be so much more than normal face 2 face lessons. and it takes so much discipline to really sit my butt down to do it.

and im procrastinating again.

fuji ice palace is closed down already, and they tore down the rink, smashed the ice, ripped up the rusty pipes... it's sad to see. it's sad to know that the place where your amibitions, passion and love started is now gone.. and there's a possibility that it'll never be reopened again, nor a new olympic rink be opened.

oh well.

i know what it's like to miss someone so badly. it's like every moment, your head is filled with that person. all you want to do is to take that person into your arms and never let go. it is like your arms feel so empty, and that person is the only thing that can fill that empty space. and when i get to hug my special someone, il automatically take in a deep breath and exhale slowly, and i feel totally relaxed. and everything else around me is just...blurred out. its only you and me.

i miss you baby. and i love you. so much.. (:

2008-10-29T00:25:00.002+08:00

thanks to those who were concerned about my previous post! (: im fine now, that was just one of those very emo periods lah. i suspect my period is coming as well cause my mood just swung from the north to south pole and back again.

just bought alot of things from my aunt's new store. i got 2 cute little notepads! i plan to make VERY good use of them!

2008-10-28T10:20:00.002+08:00

have been very tired recently..both mentally and physically. i don't feel like doing anything related to school, or work. i feel so so tired because of the attachment that came straight after the previous semester and i am only given a saturday and sunday to rest before the new semester starts again.

i just want to be with my special someone, alone with him. to be able to hug each other and talk under the stars with him. to confide in him..i've so many bottled up feelings within me that i feel if i don't talk to him, i will explode into a rage someday. maybe cry and laugh at the same time, and suffer people to call me insane and unable to control my emotions.

累了，真的很累了。想要睡着永远不要醒过来。

我需要你，你能找出时间来陪我吗？能听我说话吗？能紧紧地抱我，安慰我，跟我说‘没事的’吗？

bah

2008-10-21T12:47:00.003+08:00

Damn. Im having such a bad headache. started since yesterday. and it is those kind that comes in waves. then stop. then come again. argh..

Class is boring. it makes no sense to me. nothing really makes sense to me nowadays. databases, networks, servers, projects, blah and blah. sucky. Alot of work to be done, and more coming...

somehow im still not in the mood for studying. Its like i still want my holiday back. :(

i miss you baby..

a few pennies for some thoughts: if the plural of octopus is octopi, then what makes the plural of anus? Ani? and is it possible that the plural for virus could either be viruses or viri? lols. thinking about such things confuse me unnecessarily, but it still intrigues me. makes you think about alot more stupid things like the possible plurals of words like rice, rain and jeans, just to name a few. what would they be? rices? jeanses? "I have plenty of jeanses to go around!" LOL.

happenings so far.

2008-10-18T23:16:00.005+08:00

It has been really long since there's been an entry in this blog. and i've been receiving complaints of sorts that i've not been updating.. haha! i'm sorry..shall start to be more consistent.

Attachment's over, and i guess it wasn't THAT bad.. it's mainly just some politics that make it a little uncomfortable. I suppose. but overall it was alright la (:

School's started for a week already, and the subjects sound very IT and very scary. :x baby and i went to seoul garden to eat for my birthday, and he gave me a little turtle-bank as a present. haha. it's quite nice to the touch, and supposedly the little turtle's face looks like me. sometimes. lol. maybe someday i shall do a side-by-side picture comparison. but then again, maybe it'll backfire and people will say im acting cute or i think too highly of myself. so that post will probably depend on my mood.

Went to sentosa to suntan with jo on wednesday. before that i met jingchun at Samsung service center at 9 plus. got back my phone from servicing, then went to the MRT platform to meet jo to go tan! was really really HOT. we tanned for maybe 30-45 mins? then cannot stand it already. so went to shower and all. jo had a bad headache and i felt nauseaous. hmm. oh and please girls, sentosa is not devoid of its fair share of tiko-pehs who love to walk over bikini clad girls lying on the sand. a middle age chinese man actually SLOWLY WALKED RIGHT BESIDE US while we're lying on the sand. AND HIS DIRTY EYES WERE PRACTICALLY STRIPPING US OFF. what we have left, that is. Bloody fucker leh. sian.

oh well, here are some pictures of us at sentosa!

reflective picture taken after we showered and all.

This was taken while tanning. It was REALLY sunny.
hot until can heatstroke that kind.

some random funny face.

This one was taken whilst on the tram back. it was a really rocky ride,
so it goes to show that jo's got a career in photography! :D

Us in our shades. haha! mine was newly bought at a shop there. 29.90 i think.
or was it 19.90?

Zi lianing at the changing room's mirror.
I don't look tanned at all! Wth!

pedicure at TheFaceShop @ Vivo City.
Jo psycho-ed me into it, but hey! i ain't complaining! ;)

stresss

2008-09-14T22:33:00.002+08:00

my goodness. tomorrow i'll be getting my semester results! i'm feeling tense right now. actually im not that afraid that i'll fail my modules, it's more of not being able to meet my own expectations. i really really want to increase my GPA.

work is coming along fine, a little repetitive, a little monotonous. but then again, which office job isn't? 3 weeks have passed. another 4 more till the next semester! and after next semester, i'll graduate from poly. time is zooming by so quickly.

and suddenly i am very afraid. i am afraid to grow up and leave schooling life somehow. i don't want to leave my poly. i love it so much.. everything thats made a big impression in my life started there. my closest friends, my tertiary education, my passion, my maturity and my muffin. everything. and somehow, leaving/graduating sounds so...final. as if all i hold dear is going to disappear. i know people will say stuff like 'won't lah, you can still meet up with friends and all. come on.' . but its not the same anymore. maybe im just this crazy girl who's unable to adapt or let go of things, but if they are things so close to your heart, i don't think i can let go with no emotion or feeling.

ah. emo thoughts. anyway, pesta sukan short track speed skating yesterday at fuji. very few people to the whole rink. haha. girls went 7 rounds, guys 20. i came in second, cally first. haha. really tiring man.

its the mooncake festival today. and im home with mummy. daddy went to take bro to camp already. didn't celebrate anything. mummy was asleep on the couch, so i went out alone to play/spam the sparklers. i finished up about 40 sticks i think. just lighted up one after the other, dangling them upside down while leaning on the corridor railing. the moon is bright tonight.

happy!!

2008-09-02T20:12:00.002+08:00

i went to watch WallE with muffin last night! it's really a wonderful animation film. i like how the show tells the audience about what is going on now, pollution and trash, and how it would be like 700 years from now. where we'll all be fat and reliant on machines, and oblivious to everything and everyone around us.

i loved the show so so much! and muffin said the 2 love-bots reminded him of us. i dont know how and why, but hey, its not a bad thing at all! haha! before that we went to KFC and tar bao our dinner. we went to visit tintin, who was selling mooncakes there, and tried to boo! him, but failed miserably. haha. we ate at his mooncake booth and chatted and fooled around for quite some time (muffin and i had 2 hours to burn), it felt so good to be laughing and playing around again. it's like finding some kind of lost treasure!

work today was relatively monotonous, doing pretty much the same thing over and over. i think i'd better not talk too much about work on this blog. it may get sensitive and shit.

ahh well!! im getting more cheerful now, looking forward to the end of every work day. and also looking forward to the isan camp! this week! woohoo! i really cant waitt! i've not had camp for uber long already! and this time i get to be one of the camp committee! which means i can sabo people! wahaha.. *excited excited*

maybe il take pictures and post up after or during camp. we're gonna chiong umb at night during camp! im sooo gonna chiong my rank higher than tintin's!!

hmm,

2008-08-31T00:13:00.002+08:00

i just realised how long it has been since i've last blogged. which is like, nearly a month ago? anyway, exams went relatively well and i hope that i can get a higher GPA then the previous semester.
got into jurong international holdings for attachment, and the first week was rather depressing i suppose. maybe its because i've not gotten used to the routine 9 to 5 office hour work. and maybe because i cannot sit still as well. i think im not suited to sit down and do admin work at the computer. i know people who love to do just that, but i don't think i am one of them. seriously. i need to walk and run and talk. and not freezing my ass off sitting in an air-con room typing at the computer.
i find time passes by really quickly. blink of an eye, and it's going to be september very soon. halloween will come, then christmas, and the heralding of a brand new year. a lot of things have happened in this past year, but i feel like it has been one of the best years of my life. cliche as it may sound.
i love my life now (except the attachment), and i love the people around me who keep me going, who hear me bitch about work, who are there to cheer me up with their presence. i love the people around me who shop with me, love those who comfort me and encourage me. (:

most of all, i love you darls. thank you for being there to hear me out, and talk sense into me, and to shake me back into reality. thank you for looking into my eyes and telling me that you love me very much still. and that you'll be there to support me through everything. and i love you too. (:

wishlist

2008-08-01T00:20:00.006+08:00

im in one of those i-wanna-buy-stuff-but-no-moolah periods. so just to release the angst, im gonna compile this wishlist of things i wanna get, but unable to.
1) Sony digital camera
2) Nintendo DS Lite
3) Levi's jeans
4) Driving license asap
5) A new pair of skates
6) A new wireless mouse
7) A new pair of comfortable slippers/sandals
8) A nice dress/sundress

so there. much better.

and here are some things that i can do, but have not done.
1) Get my laptop out for servicing
2) Do my online quizzes
3) Eat
4) Suntan at Sentosa

Happy monthsary to you muffin! its been wonderful so far, and i know it will still continue to be magical for us. i love you and i know you do too. (= it's 12.32am, the 1st of August. Our day. (:

update

2008-07-29T00:54:00.002+08:00

there's an update on my ITP attachment. now i think im no longer going to work at creative already..a new mail was sent to my inbox stating that my company is Jurong Intl' Holdings. and heaven knows what jo and i could do there! Its a construction/building/engineering company! are we gonna wear white caps and walk around scheduling foreign workers? lol.

and anyway, im just glad jo is with me. and im glad that it's near Jec (or so jo says), that would make it a more accessible place (:

i just hope this company will be more generous in both salaries and grades. and i hope il have a great time.. (:

for my darling who's still hard at work in school: jiayou! I'm always beside you and encouraging you! Just think of me, and i'll be there with you... i love you very much bay bee, and lets please have dinner within this week? cause i miss you alot... KISSKISS! (:

pictures

2008-07-28T09:10:00.005+08:00

and that's it for now~! next time we'll have more variety (:

and hopefully by the end of this year i'll get my dream Sony camera. heh.

blah

2008-07-26T00:14:00.005+08:00

I went out for a lunch with zuoyi just yesterday (which is thursday). and it was quite fun, alot of girl talk and catching up and cam-whoring. HAHA.

she actually took a quote from my blog about my *very* deprived camera-whoring life. and suddenly i wish i had struck lottery. it'd be so much easier to buy a digital cam that way...and im lusting after THIS TREASURE.....

THE SONY CYBERSHOT DSC-T70

Now this sweet thing is touch screen, 8.01 megapix (which i reckon is damn good enough for me), it has face and SMILE detection, 3x optical zoom and available in the four colors that u see above.

i thought i saw a red one on the Net, but maybe it's another model. Anyway, my cousin has the baby pink one (she's only in PRIMARY SCH!! like. wth.) and she was telling me to take pictures with her using that gorgeous camera. of course, i was more than willing to handle it. (: it's light, it's slim, compact, sleek, TOUCH SCREEN and eliminates hand shaking( which creates irritatingly blurry pictures).

ohhhh......i want that beautiful man-made wonder of a creation!!

and by the way, maybe people won't agree that this model is perfect...but hey, i LOVE it!!

okay. back to zuoyi.

it was really sweet of her to treat me to pastamania! she claims that that was my super belated birthday treat, but i don't remember anything le.. :x and very kind of her to bring her digital camera so that i can relieve a bit of my cam-whoring deprivation ;p

after which we went our seperate ways and i went off to school to prepare for a super formal presentation. the presentation went average i suppose, and after school ended i went home to REST.

Met muffin for lunch on wednesday at canteen 4. haha. rode there and met eeren and eric on the way, as well as some unwanted personnel.. lunch was relatively fast and quiet, but i do enjoy being around him regardless..=) he's like, my happy apple.. :) i do hope his attachment finishes quickly so that we can have more time to spare together. im probably down with lovesickness, as diagnosed by Dr. Koh. lol.

speaking of sickness, i think im sitting on a very fine line now. it feels like i'll come down with some big sickness soon...and yet, everytime i feel that, it would turn out the total opposite way. sighs, life's fragile.

ONE MORE PROJECT N PRESENTATION, AND IT WILL BE OVER! (of course, this excludes the final exams, the attachment, the revision lectures, my life and my relationship.)

baybee, i hope i'm not scaring you. i may sound mentally demented and psychotic over the phone, but i think it's because of some sub-conscious desperation thingy. i miss you, and i know that many girls who are waiting for their guys in NS are probably handling this far better than me. but i think that i've kept quiet all these months of your attachment, i try to understand and i suppress a lot of childish emotions and i try my hardest not to complain and give trouble. i know i do sometimes, im sorry, but im trying very hard baby...these emotions within me, it feels magnified. the pining especially. the urge to just snatch u away from ur office (:

i may be crazy. but at least, darls, i love you and im crazy for you. And crazy is not = obsessed. (please ar, im not some obsessed freak who sleeps with my bf's picture printed on my underwear.)

(pictures of zuoyi and i may come in the next post. im too sleepy for now.)

yay!

2008-07-17T22:41:00.002+08:00

i got a call from Creative today, and they told me i had to go for an interview (for my attachment). WOO!! and the bester part? JOANN is also going to Creative!!! bwahahaha.... im delighted beyond words.

and Creative's at like, Jurong East, so its not so far..and maybe muffin could send me home a few times (: heehee...
IB project presentation today was in quite a mess...of course, nothing to do with my girls, we were the victims actually... sighs, long bitter story... but hey, at least that's done with. and our Logistics report is also done. thats 2 down and 3 to go.
Enterprise business plan is next, with 20+ pages of report and planning to do, and due next Monday together with the IT law blog and video and display. G-R-E-A-T.

seems like we can't get any rest. it's due date after due date after due date. and after all the due dates are due, the finals come in. AND after the finals, i've got attachment for the entire 2 months break. argh..i just want to go genting and play with muffin!! i.e. if we could ever do that.

work hard

2008-07-09T21:29:00.002+08:00

i've not been sleeping well recently cause of a project report deadline. with 4 more of them still due to come next week, i could very well be on my way to becoming a zombie. oh well, looking on the bright side, at least 1 report is done.

and how i wish i could do the things i love to do everyday, rather than spend time doing things not in my favor. but then again, beautiful things in life need the ugly ones to enhance its beauty i guess. just like how roses look more beautiful with their green, green leaves. and i am soooo looking forward to the last day of the finals when i can finally take a breather and say, " ah...how nice.."

no, actually i cant wait for the day to arrive when muffin and i can have free days to spare for each other... no more deadlines and pressure from projects and exams. when we can spend the whole day at the beach, laughing and playing. when we can msg each other throughout the day. but that would be such a big change from now..a good one, nevertheless.

right now, though, i've got projects to think about and final exams to ace. (lol.it sounds as if im a prodigy! NOT.) but still, i want to get better GPA this semester...better than the previous one, which was better than the one before it. which does say that my grades are improving, and i do intend to keep it improving.

i find that i dont post pictures on my blog whereas other people's blogs seem almost like a photo album. maybe i should post more pictures. More pictures = time to camwhore = i need a digicam. lols. these 3 points share such good dependency, don't they? hahaha..

i miss you sweetheart. it feels as if you're overseas..lols..i love you so baby. and i want to be in your arms so badly..

vroom

2008-06-28T13:30:00.002+08:00

recently, just very recently, i've been having a lot of frustration over vehicles.. i don't exactly know why. and maybe it's really immature of me to be that way, but i feel pressured.

i think im too competitive. or am i?

why do i make so much fuss over this? why why why? ARGH. im frustrated. so many obstacles... i know i can take up part time jobs to finance myself... but just when my grades are starting to look good? and my attachment coming up? i don't want to do badly this semester because i know i can do well...

sighs.

i feel that need to drive. i want to bury myself in muffin's arms and never come out to see this world ever again. im feeling insecure and vunerable. i need his warmth and security all around me.

=)

2008-06-23T19:49:00.009+08:00

so here are the pictures, as promised (:

the view from halfway up the flyer.

dan staring off into the distance =D

this picture seemed to the more decent ones of us tgt..
the others were just....darkness.

this picture was when we were nearing the top of the flyer.

beautiful isn't it... (:

and when i reached home and was taking off my clothes to bathe, i forgot to do it gently and ended up yanking my shirt off. and my necklace chain broke... :(

but thank goodness the pendant's still good and i got a spare chain.. :D

anyway, i really like one dress i saw at thisfashion.

haha....oh well..next time il post more picss.. (:

=)

2008-06-23T13:32:00.002+08:00

yes, i see that i've not been updating on my blog..tsk tsk... Well i guess i didn't really have the mood to blog recently, but im back again!

Hmm... many things have happened since the last post, so il just do up a general summary eh?

Interschool competition i got 3 golds, 2 silvers and 2 below-bronze placings. common tests went pretty well, and i do believe il pass all the papers.

Holidays were...neutral. I spent most of the holidays spending time with mummy and daddy. Family bonding thingy. i remembered watching indiana jones with mummy, and a few days later we dragged daddy to watch a family movie at marina square...we watched kung fu panda! super funny show! and a few more days later, dragged mummy to watch the sneak preview of Zohan tgt with muffin's senior, Gel. Many thanks to muffin for the tix! (=

and just yesterday muffin and i and 4 other couples and a girl went to Singapore Flyers!! All of us knew each other of course, and i felt the ride was rather fast leh! even though the ride lasted more than 30 mins. but the view was nice of course, you can see marina area lighted up beautifully. (it was a 7pm ride) After that we had Popeyes for dinner and a few more pictures later, justin, rosa, dan and i had to run after 106! i was running in heels! like whoa.... haha.. baby walked me home from the interchange and we spent a little quality time tgt before i reached home..around midnight. haha... mummy nagged of course, but she was to engrossed in her midnight show to bother that much (=

i will post some flyer pictures later on in the next post.

Reached school at 12 noon today to meet khaira with alicia for the claiming of the coaching fee thing. sighs. more paperwork and WAITING. for the moolah. i need my own moolah.

i love my darling. about one week later there'll be a special day.just for the both of us. (: time flies...it really does...

i love you. we'll face everything together, as one. because we've come so far, and have had so many beautiful memories. because i still proudly look into your eyes and tell you im yours. because you love me. and because when im with you, i can forget the world. i love you.

<3

2008-06-09T00:38:00.003+08:00

finally the common testss are over!!
but there's still tons of irksome projects to complete and all their deadlines are like, one week after the holidays...

and i just suddenly realised how fast my semester is going to end. its ending this late august! thats like... 2 months away? maybe even less than that.. oh gosh..

i hearts my baby darling muffin!! i hope we can go out again soon... i love love love you!!! <3 muackss!! :D

void

2008-06-05T20:23:00.002+08:00

i don't really know why but im just feeling so....sian. sure, competition went really satisfactory for me, and i bagged 3 golds..but maybe its the exams that's causing me to feel so shitty.

i feel sick, just sitting still at home, not doing anything but studying.. not getting anything into my brain whilst studying, and not going out at all.. it makes me feel sick.

i want to go out again...i want watch movies and chill at coffee beans and skate and even help muffin with his work... anything but sitting my ass on the chair and facing lecture notes. not now anyway!!...ROAR!!

and its depressing to know i've got attachment on the 25th aug till 11th oct!! its FRUSTRATING!! how the fishes am i supposed to celebrate muffin's and my birthday!! bloody attachment!!!

so pissed.

lovey dovey

2008-05-29T15:34:00.002+08:00

well, aren't i glad to see that my blog's getting more receptive. (: well, more receptions would mean im pressured to keep this blog updated! haha..

a few random things here and there that i want to blog about suddenly, cause im supposed to be doing my elearning homework but the case studies (note the plural) that i've to read are impossibly long and complicated. so i've decided to blog instead, since i can release stress and utter sensible rubbish at the same time.

Here goes:

THE WEATHER
Well, need i say more... the weather these days have been inexplicably hot! simply walking in the sun for about 15 mins can get you a reasonable light tan. and i actually wouldn't complain so much if it was simply sunny all day.

The fact is, freaking heavy showers come after a super hot afternoon! which, in my opinion, overcools the entire weather way to quickly and before i know it, my fingers feel like ice pops.

i'd attribute the occassional running nose and sneezes to the weather these days cause it changes faster than i can take off my panties.

OLD PARANOIA
I'm not exactly sure why, but i've been worrying and i mean REALLY WORRYING about competition and more importantly my studies.

Doesn't matter that i cannot spin for nuts, but i have not been studying for my common test. Which is happily waiting for me the day after my competition. and im getting paranoid. it's the same old paranoia haunting me since the last 2 competitions.

and not only studies and competition, but other stuff as well. but, paranoia isn't good, and in any case, im going to try to shut out this portion thats bugging my brain.

CONTENTMENT
Alright i know this part comes as some sort of contridiction as to the other two...depressing topics. but hey, im feeling contented because muffin and i have been making the effort to meet up for lunches. and muffin's been really sweet by trying to show ,expressedly, how much i mean to him and how he cherishes me.

and im loving it. (: im loving him...so much, and more each day... (:

a fear of rejection.

2008-05-23T00:23:00.002+08:00

oh my goodness...these two days are probably the most heart pumping, stress inducing days ever in this semester.

and i dont know why companies just seem to LOVE to reject students.

or MAYBE, they dont actually have a humane (or rather, inhumane) heart to help the education system in singapore. leaving us high and dry, all by ourselves.

i've come to a general conclusion that the MARKETING DEPT people are NOT GOOD AT PUBLIC RELATIONS. of all the 5 companies that my group ( 3 out of 6 of us) has called, 2 of the mkting managers have really BAD ATTITUDES.

like we're nothing worth even farting for, they just reject us ( actually me) rather rudely and hang up on me so unceremoniously! and the other 2 companies told us that we had to email the mkting managers. the remaining company, which was the original intended one, DOESN'T REPLY EMAILS! we've been freaking waiting for more than a week! n we even emailed TWICE!

and i suppose that is why they have a PUBLIC RELATIONS DEPT.

and now, we have chosen a new company who had very very kindly agreed to help us. BUT WE JUST REALISED THAT THEY DON'T MEET OUR PROJ REQUIREMENT!! and we were so happy that we got a company who wanted us. then shits like this happen. can only pray that the teacher will overlook that 1 requirement and allow us to cont with this company.

if the original rejects us, and this company wont do.... then GOOD GAME FOR US!

i miss you muffin... and im getting so angry at certain 'superiors' for keeping u back so late. its pissing me off... i dont wanna see u overworked, it breaks my heart... :( cause i love u so...

heart wrenching

2008-05-19T22:28:00.002+08:00

sighs, this is so heart breaking... every single time i watch or read the news these days about the sichuan earthquake, i feel like crying...

seriously.

seeing all the death and tragic stories on the media... it just works up such a strong emotion in me. the snapshots of dead bodies on the floor, and worse still, shots of their loved ones crying their heart out over the dead ones. those parents who have to send their young children off, those young children who will never experience parental love.

and those noble doctors and nurses who are working nonstop to save as many lives as possible... one doctor even lost 9 of his family members to the earthquake, and yet he continues his job, mourning as he does it. a nurse with a 3 year old kid lost her husband to the quake too, but still rushes about her job of relieving victims of their pain...only letting that reality wash over her and grief overcome her when she's relieved of her job.

so heart wrenching... so xin suan...

prediction

2008-05-14T22:25:00.002+08:00

i predict that il be really busy these few weeks leading up to the common tests as well as the competition.

suddenly all the project report deadlines seemed to cram into one week, and the presentations too. common tests are barely 3 weeks away, and competition, 2.

not to mention that my artistic program isn't out yet and i've only 2 lessons left.

I NEED MONEY. but then again, who doesn't?

i feel the pressure... in fact, i think i feel so much pressure until im avoiding anything to do with the pressure sources! like, not wanting to do my tutorials and not wanting to listen in lectures and sometimes not even wanting to skate... then i realise im adding on to it, but its so hard to face the pressure!! im lacking in resource and energy!

ROARR!!!!i feel so... haiz...

what am i feeling? im feeling lost and helpless...suddenly i wish we could sit at the underpass and study together... switch on your macbook and listen to songs while encouraging and helping each other...

worried

2008-05-12T20:54:00.002+08:00

today at around 2.30pm there's was a huge earthquake at the szechuan area in china.... 7.8 on the richter scale. and from the news, many people died.

and i've many friends who've gone to china for their overseas attachment, and im getting really worried if any of them are affected by it.

im praying so hard that all my friends are alright... the tagboard is open to any news that they're fine....

i really pray they are ok.

galas!!!

2008-05-09T11:16:00.002+08:00

i am so happy about yesterday!! baby took me to the gala of the movie 'made of honor'... it was really an experience of a lifetime. im so grateful i have a chance of attending a gala premier... *dreamy*

there was even a wedding held at vivo city in conjunction with the gala! and the bride also has a male maid-of-honor! coolness! it was the life. baby went ahead to film the bride and groom walking down the stairs and aisle. it was so beautiful~~ i was stuck at the gold class room together with baby's teacher in charge and his really nice friend, andy.

and guess what, the wedding's host was FLYING DUTCHMAN!! he was the one who pronounced the couple man and wife and ask them to exchange rings and kiss!! flying dutchman lei! waaa... then after that everyone went to watch the movie le.. but not before we got to eat free ice-cream from new zealand naturals! the teacher made fun of us by asking us to feed each other the ice-cream..haha... and i got a glass of white wine (or was it champagne?) from the booth *there was a reception booth for the new zealand film festival* the wine was DELICIOUS!! seriously! very very nice... but too bad baby and i had to rush of for the movie, so we gulped down the alcohol... haha.. lucky we didnt get drunk...

i like how my legs look in heels! even though its just 2 inches... but hey! i promised il 'train' myself up! haha...

baby, thank you so so much for this extraordinary experience.. i really enjoyed myself, and i hope u did too! (: i love you!

p.s: you looked great in the beanie (:

CUI-ness

2008-05-05T20:38:00.002+08:00

i feel like im about to shatter into a million pieces. my legs seem to have a life( or lack of) of their own. they wont support me and even a straight pavement seem like the meanders of amazon to me. i cannot skate anymore this week le. seriously. im freaking tired in my lower body and going to the gym just makes the upper body feel the same.

and i hate travelling so far to kallang alone and back. the bus rides are suckily nauseating and tiko pehs seem to appear on the bus everytime i go to kallang. well, maybe they're not tikos, but they look like one to me. so yeah.

not to mention today's lesson was disasterrific. jonn was actually ANNOYED (i think she was) at me because i tried like, close to an hour of one foot spins and cant get no spin out! always its my body leaning too much, or i swing my leg too high, or i lean back and fall on my butt. i tried so many spins and after that, did my program over and over again, until my feet felt like they were made of lead. and until my skates felt like they are 10 times heavier. and i finally decided i had to stop.

so i changed and got out of kallang, took bus to SMU there, and then took 77 back to bb...( cause 77 came first instead of 174). and thank goodness i bought a bag of chips and a bottle of mineral water. i munched on e chips and was (surprisingly) wide awake throughout the whole 1+ hour trip. and then i realised that i didnt have breakfast or lunch cause i was rushing morning gym n after that, afternoon skate. wow. imagine all those fat and calories burnt off! but i felt really hungry. got home and ate mummy's fried bee hoon, which was delicious. and here i am, blogging about skating.

fucking tired.

my eyes closing le...wish u were here to sing me a lullaby... wish i could make u breakfast every morning...wish wish wish...

ECD TEXTBOOK

2008-04-21T12:50:00.002+08:00

anyone out there that needs a textbook called ' Entrepreneurship : theory process practice'!!!

i've got a brand new one that i bought by accident. i forgot that i already bought one to share with joann and in my unconscious state, stupidly bought another new one.

the bookshop sells it for $30.80, but i can sell it at $28. AND ITS BRAND NEW. I EVEN STILL HAVE THE RECEIPT AS PROOF!!!

SO PLEASE, IF YOU NEED THIS TEXT, TAG ME AND I CAN ARRANGE SOMETHING...

2008-04-19T20:53:00.003+08:00

omg, i just took this post off theodore's blog. *im sorry theo, for copying your post. but its just SO true and meaningful that i just had to post it up. im sorry again..*

IF she is the one dun ever let her go or you will regret it forever.
When a GIRL is quiet ... millions of things are running in her mind. When a GIRL is not arguing ... she is thinking deeply. When a GIRL looks at u with eyes full of questions ... she is wondering how long you will be around. When a GIRL answers " I'm fine " after a few seconds ... she is not at all fine.

When a GIRL stares at you ... she is wondering why you are lying. When a GIRL lays on your chest ... she is wishing for you to be hers forever. When a GIRL wants to see you everyday... she wants to be pampered. When a GIRL says " I love you " ... she means it. When a GIRL says " I miss you " ... no one in this world can miss you more than that.

Life only comes around once make sure u spend it with the right person .... Find a guy ... who calls you beautiful instead of hot. who calls you back when you hang up on him. who will stay awake just to watch you sleep. Wait for the guy who ... kisses your forehead. Who wants to show you off to the world when you are in your sweats. Who holds your hand in front of his friends. Who is constantly reminding you of how much he cares about you and how lucky he is to have you. Who turns to his friends and says, " That's her!! "

like, i swear that this is so true. i love this post!!

baby you fit all the descriptions for the guy part (: and that is why i love you. and that is why i treasure you so so much.. (:

skate freshies.

2008-04-19T20:28:00.002+08:00

yesterday was actually the first trial session for the ice skate freshies. well... there weren't many freshies there and maybe just one or two got onto my nerves. sighs, i dont know, maybe im being biased, or too quick to judge. but get one thing straight, first impressions DO matter. and if you don't like certain aspects of the club, well u gotta get used to it real quick. cause getting blacklisted ain't a good thing at all. especially since u are disliking the bulk of the club as well as the bulk of the COMMITTEE. if you're blacklisted like a certain someone i already know in the club, skating life's gonna be like hell for you. its no longer a world where people please you anymore. YOU have to adapt yourself to the situation and learn how to please people. to let people enjoy your presence.

im trying not to let those first few impressions place a black dot on my perception on you. but it is getting difficult as i find that im not the only one who's not exactly smiling and praising you. you have to open up. this is not harsh critisism, this is advice.

anyway, i took a freshie who's really a fast learner! taught her how to do swizzles and move forward. then let her friends and her to go hold hands and skate tgt. and they taught each other how to do one foot glide too. (: perfect!

steph came to skate too! she was such a great help.. we did jumps tgt, waltz, salchow. and she didn't complain when i screwed my jumps up, she just said, 'okay, we'll keep doing waltz jumps!' and even when i requested for more waltzes or salchows tgt, she didnt complain... and we did side by side spirals and couple spirals as well!! and she helped me stretch my spiral on the ice! woo! love stephy! haha...

other than that, skate was more tiring than usual cause condrey was there. so i showed him my spirals and sleeping eagle and waltz jumps. of which my landing is crap as usual. haha. but before that i tried waltz, salchows, toe loop and loop. it was tiring but i liked the achy muscle feel again... its nice (:

baby i hope you're alright? i love you very much darls!! (:

start of school.

2008-04-16T20:50:00.002+08:00

today is wednesday, the official third day of schooling madness. well what can i say, the lectures were BORING. as usual.

i guess i could feel this heightened sense of seniority and presence around me, like an aura... haha. seeing all the flustered year ones trying to look cool as cucumbers but failing terribly. muahaha.

i know that recently i've been under alot of stress? but it didnt exactly occur to me that it would show off so badly through my hair. i think im going bald. or maybe it's just the asience shampoo that im using. jo also complained of losing her hair due to asience too. so i suppose both of us should stop using it. like, pronto. i dont wanna go bald. not over my grannie's panties.

it felt like it had been quite a marathon for me this week. cca feistas and uber boring 9am lectures. and trying to decide who im going under for skate and what am i gonna do for this interschool competition due in a month's time. plus i've been up rather late into the night recently diy-ing something. hmm, what is it, i hear? heh, its a secret! :D

theodore had several skating pictures printed out, of previous competitions and all of us got to take back our pics at the end of the fiesta! they were really nice photos. maybe i should put one pro-looking picture of me on the fridge so that mummy and daddy can see. wahaha. strategize olivia!!

muffin's been busy recently, but hey, we still get to have little dinners and lunches together still! haha, im so glad he's back and near me again~! i've gotten out everything i wanted to tell him. and it felt good that it was acknowledged and i was given warmth and love (:

ahhhh..... school days! i'd better enjoy the freedom and glory of being a school team ice skater before it's taken away from me for good (:

i say love, it is a flower
and you, its only seed.
i cant wait to sing with you again muffin! (:

inspiration

2008-04-13T20:45:00.002+08:00

here's a little quote from a world class skater. it kind of motivated me again, and inspired me too:

all those hours spent alone on the rink, its where the skater's strength really comes from.
thats where the standing ovation starts.
if you dont really want to be there, its gonna show.
nothing you dream about is gonna happen if you forget why you started in the first place.

you gotta skate with your heart.

before anyone can believe in you, you're gonna have to believe in yourself.
-kurt browning

i guess i just felt lost recently, felt like i lost the drive, the motivation, and sometimes, i even doubt my passion.

i always felt very small, and lousy on the ice.

why other skaters can advance so quickly but not me? of course, they had money to go for proper skate lessons every week. so why compete with them yeah? and besides, no one's here for me to compete against, no one to close enough to give pointers and do friendly matches. no one with me to fulfil my true dream.

that was the excuse i gave myself week after week, month after month. slowly, gradually, i started to give excuses not to go for skate sessions. i started skating only at around 7+ to 8pm. i skated half heartedly. i never practised.

and i thought, why should i? this wasn't what i planned, this wasn't what i really wanted. this ice, it seems to burden me, it seems to mock me, mocking my solitude. something in my brain told me to never go skate again, that this was never meant for me, that i don't deserve to skate like that alone...

until i saw the quote on youtube that night. the words were so meaningful. and realisation hit me. it said, hey olivia, dont forget! i have come this far from a year ago.
why did i start to skate in the first place?
because i loved the ice.
because i believed i could make it to world class levels.
because i told myself before that no matter what, i would continue to skate. along the way, maybe my thinkings inclined towards pairs...and when pairs couldnt work i lost motivation, i lost drive. but now, its alright...because i know its the ice i love, be it pairs or not.. as long as im skating to the very best that i can.

baby, i found my drive back (: all i need is for you to be there, beside me, behind me. i need you there to tell me im doing ok, to support me, cause i can't do this totally alone... i love you..

ocsh<3dkje.

2008-04-04T00:35:00.002+08:00

it's already 1230 am... and im not sleeping yet..
cant really sleep though.
i keep thinking of muffin.
so far away...

i miss him. so much.

words i think, cant describe how much i miss him.
maybe it's an emo phase im going thru. i dunch know.
no other way of communication beats being tgt physically..
there's just so many feelings that technology cant help me express..

maybe i should sleep la.
and stop thinking or over-analysing so much.
night.

blessing? or curse.

2008-03-22T21:14:00.002+08:00

oh don't be shocked by my title today, it's just the time of the month again. and accompanying it, before and during, are those irritating details that you cant ignore.
hmm, i somehow find, that before that time of the month, i tend to really get serious mood swings.

they are humongous mood swings. terribly so. i could get super upset over micro-organism sized matters and five minutes later, im as cool as a cucumber can be. it's like the anger and frustration five minutes ago never did happen in the face of earth. but im conscious of it. weird huh.

and well, time of the month = time of torture. i think im wasting earth's precious resources and helping to pollute mother earth by using sanitary napkins. so many napkins, so many days, so many months for so many years. not to mention so many women in the world now. maybe somebody should invent sanitary napkins that are disintegratable or something like that. seriously i feel bad everytime i peel a new napkin to use. its a one time thing lei! thrown away in a mere 5 hours, takes 500 years to break down. sighs.

ANYWAY, back from sanitary napkins and all. went to ICA building to make my pp as it nears the expiry date and i dont wish to wait for last minute shits to happen. so after which, went over to parco bugis with mum to walk and shop abit. we both gotten pashmina shawls and i got a blue retro hairband. went to hypnosis and splurged quite abit there with mum. oh well, she found a shirt she loved, i took a fancy to a tunic dress and we buy lor. =x after that went to snack abit while daddy came to fetch us back. how sweet of him! (:

oh and it was raining like hell in the afternoon!! mum and i looked out of hypnosis at 4.30 pm and thought it was 8pm already. the sky was as dark as night..then a while later, the rain fell like a curtain over bugis.. sian..

i misses you... maybe i can get to see you on monday..

somehow.

2008-03-20T23:30:00.002+08:00

hmm. today was fairly boring. woke up in the morning and was rushing to school for isan meeting cause overslept. isan meeting went alright i suppose. met darls and tin for lunch at canteen 1, i didn't really like the lunch cause it was rushed. rushed in a way i couldn't talk to darls and all.. and in a way, i felt disappointed because that seemed like the lunch was the quietest one i had with darls... but everyone seems so...happy... i felt like some black sheep inside. lols. went to meet khaira who rushed US cause she's got a meeting at 2pm.

she's always having meetings and craps. sighs. so, after meeting khaira at around 1.40pm, we spent like 20 mins talking to her, then left at 2pm. what the fish. it made me feel like i could have scheduled my time better so lunch wouldn't have been rushy. man i hate admin procedures.

anyway, after that i took off on 61 home and helped dad and mum at the stall, after which jo and jing came over to have dinner. had orh jian, fried hokkien mee and bbq chicken wings. thanks jing for the drinkss! haha. after that we chillaxed at the void deck and waited for jing's guy. waited some more, talked about job opportunties for the period. we even went to the fitness corner just beside to play with parallel bars and monkey bars.. then jo, jing and jing's bf went off ler, and i came home to blog and rot. lols.

i feel quite like a solitary person these days... spending alot of my time with my parents yet not really talking to them, not meeting friends, darls got attachment, the ps2's been like, my best friend. lols. but somehow im getting along. somehow. i've learnt how to really cut down to simple stuff, and appreciate the simpler (often lesser) things and not to whine about not getting this and not having that. so its like a multi-layered cake, i used to have like, many layers and now the layers are getting lesser, but there's still the foundation and a few layers left. so i appreciate the foundation, and the little things and find, they make me a more appreciative and satisfied person. like messaging darls and meeting him, like appreciating myself for skate and havin friends around me that do care. so yeah. (:

we cant always have what we want, but we can learn to love what we have.
and i love you, now more than ever. and i mean it. (:

RULE #1

2008-03-10T23:37:00.002+08:00

the movie rule#1, is a horror show about how two (only) cops from the police miscellaneous department come together to solve mystery cases that are not defined as natural or scientifically solvable.

and i tell you, it scares the shit outta you. you may relate rule's scariness to shutter and say, how can any horror show be scarier than shutter? oh man, you're wrong. the whole movie's plot, sound and directing just comes together seamlessly. it leads you into the movie bit by bit...scene by scene... building up the terror, the anticipation into a climax that will (i swear) give your heart something to run for.

other than just being the plain old BOOYA! and the im-the-scary-banshee-climbing-out 'norms', rule gives a rich and rather twisty plot. its not one of those shows that you just sit there and let the cg effects scare you. oh no no no...its far more torturous. the movie requires one to really understand and take in all the details so that you'll understand the ending and how the plot develops. and (i think) thats what they want you to do, to open your eyes up, lap up all the details leading up to the horror, and even when you know you're going to expect a BOO! you cant help but continue staring. and you'll really get booed.

for me? i didnt really understand the ending though...(haha, no spoilers here) but i attribute it to hiding half my face in darls shoulder for half the movie. lols. darls watched it all, and he understood the ending. or maybe im just dumb. :s

because its a special preview movie, and the objective was to promote (??) the movie, after the screening, the director (!!) came down to the front of the cinema to start an interactive session with the audience. of which i think mostly consisted of bloggers and some media. and well, questions were fired and answers were revealed. it was very very interesting to hear the director answering all the questions! it took about 30 mins, and it felt like a bonus behind-the-scenes sneek peek! from the reasons for hong kong as a filming destination to the very terrifying sound effects, this is definitely the best movie screening i've ever been to. and its with darls~ :D shook hands with the director of rule#1!! he's also the director of 'the maid'. awesome!

anyway, today was THE brilliant day. loads of very happy stuff happened... and people, olivia's long hair is GONE!! now its like, shoulder length hair. straight cut at the bottom. wow. i didnt think i would look nice...but hey, darls and jo and ma and pa said it looked great! so yeah. haha... went to STORM by Monsoon at jurong point to cut it. its not like i go there for every hair cut, so i guess its ok to splurge abit on my hair once in a while. (: and im LOVIN' IT!! whoo!

baby today was brilliantly wonderfully fabulously great!! thank you for inviting me to watch with you, and thank you for all today (: and cheers to many good days to come (: i hearts you very very much!

very important notice to those who read my blog.

2008-03-07T16:53:00.002+08:00

i got rather pissed off today, cause a friend of my mum's came to our stall and started whispering to my mum that i've got a boyfriend who's learning motor. i shan't say who's mum, but i think she reads my blog.

look, i dont hate her or anything for telling her mum stuff. i tell my mum stuffs too. but please please please, weigh the situation. put it as if i were you, and then decide if your mum should know about it.

for all my blog readers, my blog is just another channel for me to express my feelings and thoughts. i pour out my intense feelings and encouragement for my boyfriend because there's hardly any other way i can do it. and i trust my readers to keep certain confidentiality to themselves. i trust you. and i dont wish for that trust of privacy on my blog entries to be shaken in any way.

and it doesnt mean that if my mum knew about darls and me, then she's gonna give 100% green light for us. she blew up just now after her friend (of which her daughter i also know) went away. she kept scolding me for smsing everyone telling the whole world i've got a boyfriend, and one thats learning motor at that.
do you know how bad that feels to have someone bring you down time and again for something you really wish to believe in? it hurts.

and so, please my readers, keep it confidential. i know its for all to read, thats because i trust you all to know what to say, and what not. if you aren't sure, then dont say...thats the best way. ok? cause if this is going to go on, il need to close down my blog...

darls, for the motor thing, dont worry...we'll figure a way out. (:

wonderful day (:

2008-03-05T22:33:00.003+08:00

i went to bbdc today with muffin. before that we had pastamania at westmall, and muffin and i spammed the cheese there. haha!! the workers there must be cursing under their breath. thereafter we took a cab from westmall over to bbdc. someone before us left his wallet at the back seat of the taxi and i gave the wallet to the taxi driver.

that damned driver was soooo engrossed in checking out the contents of the wallet that he was driving like a snake on the road! i agree with muffin, cant trust that driver. i betcha anything now, that he returned the wallet to the guy, but took all the money inside. there was about like, 90 bucks in there.

maybe should've listened more carefully to muffin and returned the wallet to the guy alone. if not, gave it to the police station. hmm... :(

anyway, we reached bbdc and saw eeren ( pronounced yi ren) at the smoking area. talked to him for awhile and found out that his basic theory evaluation timing was the same as mine and joann's!! so coincidental!
and so, we all went up to the classroom and sat for our evaluation. i passed by one percent ( i got 91%). heng ar! joann and eeren got like, 89%. lols. they needed one percent more.

muffin had his bike practical this morning and he passed!! he's really advancing very quickly! and he's all excited about riding his own bike and all. ahaha. and me? still have to wait for my BTT to pass before i can even start on practicals. darn. i wanna drive car too!! sighs.

anyway, we took 187 from bbdc. i got down at bb, while muffin and jo were taking it to jurong. got back to my stall and helped out. mum was due to deco a bridal car soon, and she called auntie agnes to help her with the bouquet and corsage making. it was fun with auntie agnes! we were laughing so hard and talking funny stuff whilst doing the bridal flowers. even mummy laughed till her tears came out. then the car arrived and we set to work tying the ribbons to the handles and the flowers to the bonnet and boot. the car looked very pretty! well, it looked more whimsical and princess-y to me. pink and purple and white. very princess colors. haha!!

then dad, mum and i went to bb central to have our dinner and here i am back home~!! and muffin msged me telling me that we've hatched more sea monkeys!! haha!! i hope they keep hatching and growing bigger! one day il trip over to his house to see :) so excited!

thank you so much for accompanying me today baby :) i really appreciated it and i loved every moment of it. from the depths of my heart, i hearts you :)

all things good.

2008-03-01T01:05:00.002+08:00

hmm, well, today being a friday, i went skating! but muffin skated today too~ like, after such a long long time... haha.. i was very happy that i could skate together with him again today. it was so much fun (:
i went to darls house today after meeting khai that bitch in school. damn her! she doesnt even look like she's interested to help me with the admin? just freaking hand in our proposals first because we ARE IN NEED OF THE HELP WE CAN GET!! now which part of that does she not understand? hmm, i wonder!!

anyway, after that i went over to darls house to see the sea monkeys being born. which...well... wasn't 'instant' as it claims to be. or maybe it's just a bad packet of eggs, cause we didn't see no nothing when we poured the eggs into the water. 10mins later, nothing. 30 mins later, still nothing. 1 hr plus later, nothing. i cant detect any movement lor..they cheat money one... so after which we played with smitten for awhile and some unhappy moments occurred...
took the bus to je centre, kind of resolved the unhappiness and misinterpretations and all, and went to skate at around 6pm..

it was pretty wet at the rink, and alot of pro skaters around. i was stiff and all after not skating for such a long time, so i didn't really dare to do all the jumps and all. well, partially because i dont really remember the techniques :x lols. skated until around 10pm, and we went for supper. muffin and some friends going out tonight lo...:( so sad i cant tag along. sighs. i love my muffin so much..

sighs, having like, three pimples on my forehead. goodness! why, of all places! questions on life often renders me speechless and thoughtless. (now thats random!)

i find that i've been using alot of money recently, and not getting much heartache. die die die. im becoming like, some kind of shopaholic who would ruin her own life. actually not that bad la, its just cause recently im cabbing alot more. lols. no more bus concession what! okok, i know that's a lame excuse. whatever.

sitting at the living room, not knowing what to do, probably gonna sleep, scratching snoopy, watching brother play ps2, blogging at the same time, see muffin? m-u-l-t-i-t-a-s-k-i-n-g. hahaha....

whenever there's trouble, lets talk them out alright? cause no matter what, we in this tgt, and we shall go thru it tgt (: as a team, as partners, as friends, as lovers. and im sure what i wrote on that paper was more accurate than what i could express at that time. so i just want you to know, that il be loving you(: and you know the rest..(:

two posts!

2008-02-27T22:47:00.002+08:00

entry post for 22nd of Feb:

Here i am at BBDC, waiting for baby's bike practical to be over. i was late today, and i find that i can't really bring myself to tell my mum about me going out in advance. i dont really feel that...."need". that's like, infilial?? i don't know. just took my photot for my membership card, and well, it looks rather good. for a passport sized photot. i always looked like an old woman in passport sized photo...it's like some kind of curse.
went into westmall's popular with mum just now, and i came across this zodiac book describing the caracteristics of zodiacs. i looked up the libran part and well, they say that librans, being born under the whatever planet and being represented by venus, it makes us chase after balance and harmony in whatever that we do. (the book says) we look very....'yiu xiu', which translates to be, i think, kuai and elegant and softspoken. Really meh?! i think i can pass for a random barbarian.
then they say that librans love to be around people and we treasure good friendships, which is true! (: i treasure my old sec school friends cause i think our friendships forged during the playful years of my life is so difficult to forget. Really!
friendships, to me, is important to the extent that when i would quarrel with a friend or when my friends around me quarrel, i'd feel very sad, and like the world kinda....dulls? yeah.
Another aspect of Librans that the book mentioned was that librans ARE-AFRAID-OF-LONELINESS!! omfg, now how true is that? VERY TRUE. im super afraid of loneliness, or maybe its cause im so used to having bunches of friends around in school, that now, if i had to eat lunch alone, i wouldn't. i'd rather go home and eat with pa or ma. that's why i want jo-ann to be in the same attachment company with me next sem!! (partly cos jo also wants it that way! haha).
Librans would "allow" the loneliness to become some kind of emptiness within them. it would feel "empty". and they also say that female librans who are in love, they just want to be with their partners twenty-four/seven. true. so true.
and the downside of us? we can decide for nuts. that's like, yeah, what im really really bad at. making decisions. and we tend to think that everyone thinks the same way that we do. which sometimes pisses them off. hmm..i guess so...
am i love for who i really am? or is there a mask of me that people see and like? i hate being alone by myself, is that being dependant?
i dont like the feeling of being told what to do, is that being stubborn?
i detest myself many many times, is that being unappreciative?
falling short of expectations, weakness?
so many different doubts, so many questions...where's the balance in my life that im seeking??

entry post TODAY:

wow, pretty emo past entry eh? oh well, we all have our ups and downs.

hmm...went to school at 2 plus today, praying that khaira would be around, but no! she's in another meeting. f. so i gave the reimbursment form to edwina (like, finally) and collected the cca forms from khaira's outbox. wasn't gonna meet theodore today cos it would be too late, and alicia wasn't with me to entertain me. so yeah. pretty much alone. only event to look forward to, was meeting muffin with an insurance agent at 6pm. and it was merely 3pm. so i stoned at the school lib for about 2 plus hours, listening to my psp( thank heavens for psp) and people watching thru the lib glass windows. frigging cold! and i didn't have my jacket with me. good game eh?

so when it was about 5.10 i got up to leave. i swear my heels were too tight around the toe area! grr... i don't care, il break into them. but i get blisters on my little toe!! T.T
took one seventy four to jurong point and arrived 15 mins late. oh well. found muffin and the agent at mos burger. that agent's name was....livia!!
so coincidental right!! olivia, livia! and like what muffin said, its like im the bitch and she's the itch! haha!
anyway, she talk talk talk for like, close to an hour, and in the end muffin said he had to consult his dad first before giving her an answer. haha. she seemed pretty pissed. lols. she left soon after that and darls and i had unagi rice burger and clam chowder. thereafter we went to toys'r'us cause muffin was looking for sea-monkeys.

in case you're scratching your head and wrinking your brow, sea-monkeys are like little miniature primitive prawns. they're supposed to be like, really tiny? micro-organism, but can see with naked eye kind. yeah.so we find the sea apes and fool around with toy swords for abit.

darls called justin to come down and so we waited for him. during that period of which we went to explore water guns which darls want to use more as a kerosene gun. lols. fire crazy guy.

so then justin arrive and they discuss more on the sea apes while i sit on the floor not really listening...haha! so we pay for the sea monkeys, me being a co-owner. haha. so after that i wait for one seventy four tgt with muffin and justin and went homee!!

i love you so much baby...and i really had fun these few days together with you (: and i enjoyed every second of it. (: my muffin(:

a little update (:

2008-02-20T20:49:00.002+08:00

hmm, well its three papers down and one more to go. but today's paper was crap... it seemed like my mind blanked out on me and i can't remember the damn formulas. sighs. and the paper was set very cunningly. it's out to cheat me of my GPA and my diploma!!

oh the pains of schools and exams. *clutches my heart*

i've been studying so much recently that i think im losing hair. or maybe it's the shampoo. but in any case i seem to be experiencing some kind of miniature hair loss. i hope it stays as 'miniature' as possible. i don't want to go bald.

last paper isn't due until tomorrow and im already planning for my holidays!! woo! tml after our exams, the girls and i are gonna catch a movie (ah long pte ltd)!! then it's off home to zzzzz. catch up on my lost sleep time. friday, im gonna hit the ice once more! like, finally im going to skate, but i hope muffin can come skate too...it's been months since we skated tgt. and im missing it alot. saturday...like nothing on, but like got something. hmm. maybe il ask my cousins out, since we're all on hols. sunday afternoon got ISAN meeting in school. lols.

speaking of which i would prob need to arrange skate lessons for darls and i. i need to remind me.

after which it would be..........TRUELY HOLIDAYSSS!!!!!!!! wahaha. so many things i wanna do during the hols. like, go so many places with darls, take a piano lesson, work those roadshow sort of work ( which lasts only like, a week) to get that money, go out with friends, chiong maple. blah. so many!! im getting so excited just talking bout it!

but i have a paper tomorrow and i've not studied for it. =.=

baby i love you so so much!! grats for the bike prac again! and i am looking forward to being able to go out with you during the holidays! don't worry about the paper, cause it's over already okay? look to the future, which are the holidays! (: with me! hahahahah. huggs!

:D

2008-01-29T13:39:00.000+08:00

hehe... yesterday went with muffin to bbdc so he could collect his membership card. i didn't make mine yet... muffin started his bike practical le lor~ so fast... sobs.... i have to wait till march/april then can start my practical....so long time away...

took bus back to bb interchange where muffin pleasantly surprised me (: then whilst walking through the pasar malam there, we came across this interesting smelly tofu stall. haha!
AND WE DECIDED TO TRY IT!
so we waited for the lady to fry the tofu bits, and we took our portion to the carpark steps nearby and tried it. IT WAS DELICIOUS!! really really!! its nice! except that it leaves a rather strong aftertaste and you'll smell quite...smelly tofu. haha. its delicious. TRY IT PEOPLE!

another first time for muffin and i tgt. haha. eating smelly tofu.
love you so much darling muffin!! :D

it's ok.

2008-01-24T10:01:00.000+08:00

thanks to my friends who were so concerned over me.... im like, okay now... learning to cope with it i guess... :) dont think so much, just do. then wunt so stress liao...

talked to darls and kind of 'solved' our little problem... i still think we should communicate more....(although we are talking everyday)... but i guess its more of a quality talk thing... of course i'd love quantitative quality talks... haha... everyone loves that i suppose...

things that happen recently made me admire people close to me...how they handle things under stressful conditions. like my groupmates, who are able to do so much in project work so well. like my dad, who's still working so hard for the family and supporting everyone's morale even though he's so so tired and he hurt his back badly. like daniel, who is so busy and stressed out with schoolwork and yet finds time to talk and discuss with me about our relationship and also make time for me, whether i request it or not...

kind of made me feel like what im facing isn't as bad as i felt it was...

daniel is learning riding now...he's taking his RTL... speaking of which i should do my BTT evaluation and FTLs already...must go chiong...then if FTT can book in march, then can learn DRIVING PRACTICAL AFTER MARCH!! i WANT to DRIVE!!!!!!!!!

i wanna drive i wanna drive i wanna drive... i dont mind driving daddy's lorry. lols. then after i learn it'll prob be my turn to chauffeur the family around.

just got food for the infantiles yesterday (my dogs, i call them infantiles). they had no food for like, 1 day.... poor things... they were so happy i gave them food. speaking of which im so hungry now!!!!!! so hungry....

i want to eat... muffin!!! i wanna eat muffin~ lols... no, maybe i wan eat onigiri...or maybe the seaweed packet...(got money inside!) lols! cooked shepherd's pie and mushroom soup again recently....soup's still thin, and i didnt try my own pie. lols!!

i love you muffin...ever and ever and ever... i miss u too, and i believe that we'll be able to pull through everything and become even closer :D cause we've been thru so much, we can walk thru this hand in hand (:

angst n frustration = sky high stress levels

2008-01-20T01:02:00.000+08:00

im so....ugh. STRESSED.
everything i do seems like its wrong and i get scolded by my mum, nagged at for the smallest reasons!
i cant even go for agm without getting talked bad about behind my back by my MUM. something about her own children not helping her out and she's got to rely on others for help.
if this nagging/scolding helps her release her stress and anger, i'd help by not retaliating back at all. and im not. i just let it come. when she's done she's better. and the only way that im releasing them out is through here. i feel like a 'chu qi tong'.

SCHOOLWORK isn't helping either. i cant even do my homework at home now. i've to sit at the stall and half work half sell stuff, which is not productive at all!! i feel so guilty about my projects because my groupmates are doing nearly all the work and i cant do much at all!

SKATING, i love it. but admin work is pressurising, and i don't know how i can skip skating sessions. i would have fought to go for a session, but now, i dont know why im not fighting anymore. i dont like that feeling. i want my passion fired back.

HOUSE. im like, the only person sleeping at home now. parents are sleeping over at the stall. and i've to do ALL the chores by myself. all. washing my parents' dirty clothes, drying them then bringing nicely folded ones to them. its better if my brother isn't around, or else i'll even have to wash his dishes while he maples the whole day.

by the time i finish helping at the stall, its 12am. tired already. then do chores, 12.30am. dead tired. i wanna maple. so maple till 2+, dead. next morning, if sat or sun, have to wake before 8am to go help out, until 12am again.

i feel lonely, i feel frustrated, i feel angry, i feel guilty, i feel sad, i feel deprived. what else? im waiting for a really nice, warm msg all day... looking at my phone and carrying it around even if i don't have pockets. i dont mean to blame anyone. i think they're my insecurities and maybe im being self centered, or evil, or depressed shit. feeling not appreciated and taken granted for. maybe one day when im suddenly gone, i hope people will notice.

i cant confide in anyone now.
tears are probably the only counselling i can afford now.

emo.

i do love you, and i do still want you. im not going anywhere. im here for you.

...

2008-01-11T12:06:00.000+08:00

i lost $20 yesterday. what the fuck. was carrying a super big sized cardboard, with my heavy laptop and a heavy bag. withdrew 20 from the atm to buy something. put it in my front jeans pocket, walked up the atrium steps. went to the shop, chose my product. search for my 20, and IT'S GONE! why!! why meee....... i was feeling like super crappy the whole fing day. wth...

now its like, im so so broke... T.T sobs... and my HRM project is due today, i have not done much. IPT due 28th, barely something only... BSD presentation on 29th. die die die die. AND I DONT FEEL LIKE DOING NO NOTHING!! i was so,... moodless these days. just wanna sleep n avoid all the deadlines and schoolwork and pressure.

THIS SUCKS.

busy.

2008-01-06T21:24:00.000+08:00

alright, long time since i've blogged (yes, again..) i know. been busy recently (i see u rolling your eyes).

hmm, muffin came back from korea and we met on the 31st to go watch fireworks. he bought metal chopsticks for my whole family!! ( i love the chopsticks) he also bought baileys and bacardi rum back from the airport, and i have half the share! wahaha... then we went to sit beside the small merlion to watch the fireworks. it was wonderful! amazing! exhilarating! fascinating and what not. haha. then darls gave me this necklace he bought back from korea that has an amethyst on it, framed within a star. *grins* so sweet of him~ after which we tried to walk to a less crowded place. darls and i managed to grab a taxi ( which was only because the passenger inside got out just where we flagged). and by the time we reached my house, it was like 2am. darls actually was waiting for justin's taxi to pass by and pick him up at the busstop, but something cropped up and darls ended up spending the night over at my house for new year's day. haha. (mum wasn't that happy, but well, she played a good host)

on to more recent things, i've gotten back my common test results and mainly got Bs and one C for accounting. never really was good at accounting i guess.
condrey's chalet recently, of which i could only make it on the first day. so sad :( . mum absolutely refused to let me out...sianx. darls stayed for the full 4 days. T.T

i've just made bread with fried bacon strips together with cheese and scrambled eggs for mum, dad and i yesterday morning. dad without the bacon and mum without the cheese. lols. and i just found out that strawberry jam and bacon and eggs do go quite good together :)
im going to make breakfast for muffin tml since we start school at the same time... breakfast together on the rooftop...wow... some morning picnic huh...

operations management project done, human resource in progress of completion.
ipt, bsd proj not done yet, and i heard that they are not easy...not easy at all... :(

where are you....

2007-12-30T19:36:00.000+08:00

where are you darls....

are you back already?

still on the plane?

did you just call me in the afternoon?

are you safe?

where are you...im worried.... :(

soon..real soon..

2007-12-27T01:01:00.000+08:00

its like, 1am now...i finished playing ps2 mahjong with mummy. really boring...lols... i think my lappy one is nicer (: mummy was dozing off already.

spent the afternoon in school (yuck) doing project work (double yuck)... damn... i really dont have any motivation to do anything...project work is like, sianzation to me. suddenly i feel like a sloth..i just want to move reaalllllyyyyy sssssssslowwwww.... and sleep most of the time. killing time i suppose, except its killing me more.

new year is in like, 4 days' time. happy advanced new year to all!! i still haf to go to school this week for more project meetings....sighs. this is getting retarded.

darls i dont even feel like mapling to level. things kinda suck when i go online. pple not cooperating and all. and no one else is online. i think they're all overseas too... i go there only for the 2x exp. dont think i can reach 60 by the time you're back...i miss you.

merry christmas 2007!

2007-12-25T11:00:00.000+08:00

ho ho ho! merry christmas to all my precious friends out there!! i wish y'all a very merry christmas and a super new 2008!

hmm, zuuoyii!! you haven't reply me~ hurry wor! dun later last min say can then i cannot come out... lols... hope you're taking care of yourself, dunt work too hard. if not later u stress then come out with me, i die. lols!

haix, it's day 3, im halfway there already. i miss him so much...

merry christmas to you darls...miss you... you do remb where we're supposed to go on the 31st right? well, i hope you do...il be waiting till then...

lonely

2007-12-23T23:17:00.000+08:00

i know, i haven't been blogging for long... im sorry... but recently, it has been nothing much except really stressful exams and numerous project deadlines.

sighs, darls just flew off to korea at 9pm for a week. a week. a week. more like a year.
i miss him so much, and i couldnt send him off...T.T im so lonely now... :(

ZUOYII!! GIRL!! maybe on the 27 or 29 u got 'kong'? we go out. i too long never go out with u liao. lols. and u scold me stupid T.T im so sad already... msg me or something kays?

darls i hope korea has internet...il be waiting on msn for you k? i miss you so much already.... i hope you have a safe trip! i love you so much...<3

common testsss!!

2007-12-06T09:58:00.000+08:00

haha, well...im at bsd workshop now... our group finished our presentation already. very fast. its cold and boring...and i didnt bring any jacket!! yesterday was exciting..

yesterday, after om tutorial, the four of us walked from the back gate of school to the shell station busstop. UNDER THE RAIN. and the best part is, only cheyenne has umbrella. so jingchun and cheyenne shared the umbrella and joann and i walked under the rain. i was wearing darl's jacket so i was pretty 'sheltered'. poor joann was drenched. :( and when we reached the shell station, jo ann and i just had to take 173 to bb. what we DIDNT notice was that 173 is a damn long bus ride!!! so we sat in the empty and positively FREEZING bus for a very very long time. and when we thought that the bus was turning back to school, so we got off at a busstop. and we tried for a cab. note: it was still pouring heavily. we COULDNT get one, so we took the next 173. and continued the cold ride to bb. damnit. we swore we would never get onto that bus ever again. i reached home wet and cold and hungry. so i cooked mushroom soup and drank it while it's hot. *heaven on earth*

i had to wash darls jacket cos it was wet, and i hoped that these few days would be sunny so that i can dry it quickly. BUT NOOO. woke up this morning to a cold and very wet weather. sighs. why me.

anyway, that aside. skate asia winter classic is over, and i managed to get one gold, 2 silvers, 1 fourth and one sixth placing. darn. muffin robbed me of 2 golds. lols... he got a total gold count of 3. *jealous* nah!! haha...jkjk....

kallang ice rink is open people!! the new building looks very promising, but it's still quite empty. kallang ice is good, very little people and well, when you've got contacts there, its even better :)
* im not really good at contacts. usually its darls that does the socializing* >.<

il be staying in school to do revision today. common tests are NEXT WEEK!!
AND I HAVE FIVE FREAKING PAPERS!!! ON CONSECUTIVE DAYS!! fark... and i've barely started studying.

ok i go study liaox. il tryta blog soon la...

skate competition!

2007-11-27T16:05:00.000+08:00

well well, i've not been blogging much i know. CMA test just over last week and teacher said that there are 6 failures.

hmm

I've got an ominous feeling im one of the lucky 6... haix, the teacher isn't letting us off early today. she insists on finishing up the tutorial. even the aircon is switched off already. my phone is running low on batt, im hungry, my lappy is crappy and im nervous and im unprepared and whatnot. i feel like a rabbit skinned and naked standing amongst a group of eagles.
funny example i know. but thats what i feel.

i feeel so sian!!

and scared. fuck. shitty crap. i've nothing left to do after this. except wait. wait for someone. i need to change blogskin again i think. alot pple cannot view my blog. sighs.

i need to wear diapers to the competition. i may just wet my stockings.

teacher just said she was an objective person. hell, just tell us who failed lar... *sobbing*....

maybe il put another blog again later after class. when im bored and all. if my psp runs out of batt on me too, il cry and bawl my eyes out and flood NP. ok maybe im exaggerating, but yes, its bad.

i wanna go home!! i wanna see muffin!! i dont wanna do hmwk... T.T